Where to?

I had a purpose tonight. I logged onto blogger with the intention of writing a nice, long post.

But then I got distracted. And once that happened, I forgot my inspiration. I don't have the luxury of focusing on my 'muse.' I can't pinpoint a specific time in my life no matter what. There are no stories in my head that need to be typed.

So, I know exactly what any new reader is thinking. "Is this guy being forced to do anything? Why is he complaining about a hobby?"

I've been doing this since August of 2003. There were weeks when I didn't write one word. There were days that had multiple posts. I've hit my peaks, and I've reached some lows. But no matter what, I do my best to provide something intelligent, thought-provoking, or just entertaining.

Here's the problem. I've used up every last thing I can remember. I don't talk about people in my life, so that they may have their privacy as well. What's left? Do I reinvent myself? Do I create an alternate personality to liven up the place?

The only thing that's been on my mind lately is what I'm going to do in the future. I'll be sending out my resume again next month. The lease on this apartment runs up in March. Will I have a legitimate job by then? Should I move in with my parents until I'm financially stable? And if so, for how long? Could I really live like that?

So, first answer. I better damn well have a legit job by March. I'll be too pissed off at myself if I don't.

Second, moving in with my parents would help out in the long run. I could pay off my student loans in two years, possibly less. I could also build my credit and reduce my overall stress. However, I don't think that I could make it that long. After one month of living there, I would surely explode and lash out at all members of this family. The more I am with them, the more I realize that I am the different one. I guess that also answers the third question. And fourth question.

There are five people in my immediate family. 40% are the emotional type. The slightest, most trivial thing can set them off. They have no self-control, and they don't believe it's their fault. Another 40% are forced to retreat into the background. No one knows what's really going on.

And then there's me. I can be emotional, but I can control it. I can also be quiet enough to where no one knows I'm even there. I am a combination of both sides of this family. But that means I see the flaws in both sides. I hate it when people get emotional. And I hate it when I don't really know what's going on. That's why I really need to consider living elsewhere. Maybe in a different city. Maybe in a different state. I don't know.

Now I'm just rambling. That's enough. Better get some sleep so I can forget it all for nine hours.