Dreams and Reality

I guess the two were related this time.

Two nights ago, I had a dream about the future. It is kind of sci-fi, but it's not totally unbelievable.

The sky was a transition from orange to purple as the sun went down. It looked like a summer night, but it felt like an autumn evening. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry. I had no idea why.

While the sky seemed very futuristic, the place and time felt like 6 years ago. My mom was driving me to school and we had to stop by a nearby convenience store. I started to look for something to drink, but everything seemed to be $5 more than the usual price. This had me confused for just a little bit, as a small bottle of water now cost around $7. I don't know if I grabbed anything or not, but I remember going back to the car.

I knew we were going to my school, so it weirded me out when we went to where my mom works instead. She said she was doing a short shift, and to just wait. Well, I'm not the type to wait, so I started to walk around outside. That's when everything got really weird.

At one point in the sky, there was a small trace of blue. That blue then spread out into a huge circle that covered half of the sky. I saw a spaceship come through and released a small object. Turns out it was a rocket, and it took out the land to the left and right of me. All that was left was a small island that had the building my mom was in and myself. I looked over the edge and it was at least a 1/2 mile drop down to the ground that was left. Besides the grass on my island, there was nothing but a barren wasteland.

I wasn't scared. I was just angry. And I decided to fight back.

But that's when my alarm went off and everything ended.

As far as reality goes, I just looked at all of the stuff I'm going to need for graduation. I looked at invitations, gowns, and such. I made a quick list of people I would send an invitation to, and that list came out to around 21 people. 13 of those consisted of family.

And still, if it were up to me, I would be at home during my ceremony. I don't want to go, but it's another excuse for the entire family to meet up.

Too Smart For Their Own Good

Harvard club promotes abstinence

Harvard student Rebecca Singh said she was offended by a valentine the group sent to the dormitory mailboxes of all freshmen. It read: "Why wait? Because you're worth it."

"I think they thought that we might not be `ruined' yet," Singh said. "It's a symptom of that culture we have that values a woman on her purity. It's a relic."

So, they should have said, "You couldn't wait, but we still love you." Or, "Sorry you're a whore."

(I'm not saying that women who have premarital sex are whores. I don't find anything wrong with it.)

I love making fun of people who are offended by the smallest things. So you were called a virgin, big deal. Get over it. How do you get the word "ruined" out of their message?

It just shows that Harvard students have their own set of problems. Sure, the university doesn't discourage sex, but it's not making the decision for the students. They may be smart, bright, or whatever, but book-smart people are usually lacking in street-smarts. These kids may have been ridiculed in high school about being geeks who are virgins. Then they get to college, and they want to get past all of that. They throw out their pocket protector and grab a rocket protector. (I know, that was bad.)

The "purity" of a woman may be a relic. Celebrities flash their sexual parts more often today than last year. And I won't expect any woman I date to be a virgin. I don't make assumptions.

But there's something more satisfying about having a virgin say, "I'm yours." It's much better than having a woman who has had dozens of partners say, "Whip it out." It's not about "purity." It's about dedication.

Percentages

This may be a bit nerdy, but whatever...

A few days ago, I was looking at the NBA standings. I found one thing interesting.

The Lakers at 35 - 32 were behind the Nuggets, who were 34 - 31. This gives them a 0.5224 and 0.5230 winning percentage, respectively. So, the Lakers have one more win and one more loss, but were behind the Nuggets.

Then, I looked at the Warriors and the Clippers. At the time, the Warriors were 32 - 36, while the Clippers were at 31 - 35. This gave them a 0.4706 and 0.4697 winning percentage, respectively. The Warriors had one more win and one more loss, and were ahead of the Clippers.

I now understand why the situation changes for each case. In the first case, both teams were above a 0.5000 winning percentage. Therefore, a loss hurts more than the amount of help a win gives. In the second case, both teams were below a 0.5000 winning percentage. In that case, a win helps more than the amount a loss hurts.

Either way, I just want the Clippers to get the 8th seed, and the Nuggets to get the 7th seed. According to my schedule analysis, the Warriors will not make the playoffs. I have yet to check on the Nuggets, but just based on what I've seen, I do expect them to get the 6th seed. That's too bad, because I think the Nuggets would have a better than slim chance of knocking Phoenix out of the playoffs.

Also, I appreciate the assists statistic. I am a guy that likes to pass the ball and see a made shot. However, a 40-point game is better than a 20-point, 10-assist game. Well, only if the person didn't need 40 shots to get 40 points. If it's an efficient 40 points, it's something special.

Waiting For Tomorrow

Something tells me that today isn't going to be my day.

I woke up at 4:38AM this morning. I couldn't fall back asleep, so I tried something new. I forced myself to get up and get ready for school. Took a shower and did all of that stuff, and came back to my room. Surfed around for a bit before I forced myself to lay down again. I got another 40 minutes of sleep. My alarm went off and I did my usual breakfast routine.

Apparently today is National Cut The Grass Day or something. Everywhere outside, grass is getting cut. (For those of you enduring freezing temperatures or close to it, I envy you. Now, I know you're saying, "Oh yea? Let's trade places." To that I say, "Please, let's.")

Tons of people on the bus today. I sat towards the front, and it was uncomfortable. Couldn't listen to my music without freaking out. Terrible bus ride.

We also made it to campus late. Very unfortunate because I needed to stop by the campus store to pick up water and what-not. This puts me 10 minutes behind my usual routine, and if you know me at all, I hate getting out of routine. So as I'm walking to class, in my mind I'm kicking rocks and dropping f-bombs. My fists are clenched and I just want to punch stuff. (Again, all in my mind.)

Out of nowhere, I see this chic. She sees me. And for an instant, I forget about everything. Kind of nice.

But 10 seconds later, I realize that would have been a perfect spot to say "hi." At that point, anything else that would have went wrong wouldn't have been really significant. So hearing something like, "I have a boyfriend" would just be thrown onto the pile and I'd keep walking. So I'm back to punching the air and other violent acts. (All in my head.)

I make it to my class, and I forgot my take-home quiz at, well, guess where. Home! Now I'm in class and just trying to figure out how to get out of this funk.

Oh, the prof just mentioned that we have a test in 9 days. Awesome. Remind me that the exam will be on context-free languages, both regular and irregular.

Keep Goin'

(I did the ol' copy-and-paste from 'teh' MySpace blog. I'll have fresh material sometime around the bend.)

As I've mentioned before, I'm always trying to test my limits. I want to know what I am good at, and what I should leave alone. So, there's nothing like a Texas Hold 'Em Tournament to start with.

I play through PartyPoker.net. No money involved, all fake chips and what-not. When you first register, you start off with $1000 in chips. You get to choose from Texas Hold 'Em, Omaha, 7-card stud, and hi-lo variations of the mentioned games. I hate the hi-lo games. A person with a terrible hand should never win anything. Competition produces two things: winners and losers.

Either way, I registered for a tournament at 6PM my time. Nothing on TV, so I could just waste away on my laptop. 4000 people is the maximum allowed in each tournament, and that's exactly how many showed up.

I always go with the flow. If people are hesitant, I just sit back and relax. I'm not going to sweat over hands with little impact. If I'm at a table with idiots going all-in pre-flop, I just let them fight it out until they're gone. If I know I can take them out, I do it.

An hour went by, and I really couldn't believe how many people went out. I think around 2000 had been knocked out. You don't win anything unless you make 400th or better, so there was still plenty left. I always hovered around the chip average. If I fell behind, I would just bluff hard and they would crumble. Gotta pick your spots carefully. Another hour went by, and I think we were down to 700 people left. 2 hours so far!

I played my game perfectly. People tried to bluff me out, but I would pick up on their tells easy. Maybe they checked after the flop, knowing that they didn't have a hand. I just took their money then. Knocked a few more guys out, and soon I was ranked.

Kept choosing my spots. Kept watching the rankings. Every few seconds, another short stack was being knocked out. I just had to pass the time until there were 30 or so people left.

That happened after the 3rd hour passed. 30 people, 3 tables. I was a bit below the average, but I was far from being the short stack. I watched them drop like flies, and I watched my pile of chips grow. After a 5 minute break, there were 12 people left. Once 10 people had made it, the final table was set up.

I felt content with this. (Before I started, I told peoples that all I wanted for tonight was to get to the final table. True story. I have witnesses.) It took 3-1/2 hours to get to the final table. A few hands went by, and I started to just get tired. I had already planned a trip to Wal-Mart (that was a whole different story that I won't discuss here.) I went all-in with pocket 4's when I probably shouldn't have. Didn't care. We both had 2 pairs, (Q's and 7's came out on the board,) but he had the better kicker, so I was out. Finished in 10th place. The buy-in to the tournament was 520 chips.10th place earned 13000 chips. 10th out of 4000 people. Not bad.

I still want to try this stuff for real. Playing online is fun and easy, but I'll have all of my tools available when I'm playing in the real world. For right now, I just need to focus on graduating, finding my dream job, and saving money for the World Series of Poker. Ideally, I'll get a job where I can set aside enough for the buy-in each year. Or at least enough to get the smaller tournaments under my belt to earn an automatic seat. Something like Harrah's in New Orleans in May. Yea...

Missing People

Sometimes, I miss people. Even if I haven't heard from them in a long, long time.

Anh is great. Don't know if she still reads this. But eh, I'm doing this to make it public.

I can't remember when the last time I talked to her was. (OK, I just did some history searching, and it looks like just a bit over a year.) She commented on this blog a few times, but not for even longer. The last time I had any communication, it was via SMS. One text message long ago.

Of all of the female friends I had in high school, I always felt like I had a different connection with her. Not in a "more than friends" way, but just that certain wavelength, or vibe. The type of connection where you know what the other person is going to say well in advance. You know their style, their type of humor, and what cheers them up. Whenever you hang out, nothing goes wrong. It was just one good time after another.

Whether you've seen my MySpace page, my Facebook profile, or anything at all that I've created, you probably know that my favorite show is Attack of the Show. Monday through Friday, 7PM Eastern, 4PM Pacific. The two hosts are Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn.

Kevin Pereira has some Latin in him, even though it doesn't always look like it. Very quick-witted and dirty-minded. Almost the exact same as me. Olivia Munn is Asian, but was raised in Oklahoma. She is mostly innocent, except for when dirty-talk starts up. Almost exactly like Anh. (Anh wasn't raised in Oklahoma, but Texas is in the south also.)

Either way, here is a clip from Attack of the Show. I've chosen this particular clip because the interaction between Kevin and Olivia is very reminiscent of daily interaction I had with Anh.



One more person that makes me wish I would have stayed in Dallas. There are plenty of reasons, but I'll save those for another day.

Just Saying...

For some reason, I feel compelled to seek forgiveness.

I just went through the phone numbers I have on my cell phone. I treat numbers in a very different manner than most everyone else. If your number is on my phone, it means that if I am able, I will always answer your call. If your number is not in my cell phone, I will never answer your call. Your next best bet is to leave a voicemail that I may listen to in a month, or to send a text message.

I just went through the numbers. I deleted quite a few. All people I have no intention of speaking to again. I know that I will never try to contact those people again.

There were a few names that brought back memories. I must have forgotten those over the past few years. Some were women that I just stopped talking to. And they must have let go as well.

But what is weighing me down right now are just a few words. I feel terrible right now for all the girls that said to me, "I love you" and didn't hear it back. I can only imagine the type of heartbreak that causes. I can only imagine. I've never said "I love you" and didn't hear it back. But that's probably because I say those words sparingly.

As far as I can remember, there was only one time where I initiated the mention of love. It was the ASL sign for love, and it was for a girl I knew long ago. I didn't want to say it because I had never said it before.

Needless to say, it didn't work out. The love might have been mutual, but the timing was terrible. I'm fine with that.

But I want to apologize for all the times I didn't say "I love you" back. I was honest by not saying it, and I know that caused some emotional pain. I want to apologize to all the women that I've detached myself from. I want to apologize for any future calls you make that I don't answer. I have to keep moving forward.

I'm the type of person that disappears for years at a time. You may not hear from me, and you may forget. And if you forget, then it is all lost. It is almost a certainty that we will never cross paths again. I'm sorry that I came into your life only to leave abruptly without saying goodbye.

And I'm sorry if you were attached to me.

Up Late Again

Yeesh...

Legends of the Fall is on TNT right now. That movie is something else. So much misfortune, but so much strength. That's exactly what I'm talking about. I don't like these shows that have trivial problems that emotionally immature characters can't handle. It's about facing your problems and moving ahead.

There are two parts that I find particularly moving.

When Brad Pitt's character (Tristan) comes back from his 2nd vacation, and Anthony Hopkin's character (Colonel Ludlow) comes outside to meet him. The colonel has already had a stroke by this time, and is walking with a limp. He also has the right side of his face paralyzed. Because of the relationship I have with my dad, it just puts that idea of coming home to an old man in my head.

The other is at the end of the movie. When the narrator is talking about Tristan's last battle, they show an older man coming across a grizzly bear. Tristan has a knife, and the bear is huge. Of course the bear wins, but there's something to be said about that way out.

After messing around with 'teh MySpace,' I realized something. It's the new phrase for me. Nothing but the truth.

"Always bored..."

It makes me think that everything I'm doing right now is just to pass time. The real challenge is ahead. And I almost can't wait.