Just Typin'

These past few weeks in Dallas were fun.

But, they were also my last. If I go back, it will be for a day, or maybe a weekend. But other than that, it's done.

I still have a few connections to Dallas. There are a few people that live there, and these are people I'd visit with. But I'm talking about only a few people. Maybe a handful. Umm...how about 4? Possibly 3?

I mention this because I changed my phone number. I do not 'represent' the '214' anymore. And this is the first of many steps in determining where I live for the long-term. I'm fine with Austin. I could live here for quite a while. I'm starting to appreciate some of its better qualities.

I got back in time to play in the poker tournament. Didn't do so well. 4th out of 14. I played fairly well for the first 2 hours. But I ran into the one type of player that can screw over the best of professionals - the amateur. The person that calls any raise, just so they can see one more card. They want to play every hand, no matter what cards they have. I hate it. It's the first time I've left a competition with an empty feeling. Coming into it, I really wanted to play my best, win, and say to myself, "OK. Now I'm ready." I don't think I'm ready yet. If I go, there are going to be amateurs there. If I can't beat them, then what's the point? I just have to get better.

Either way, the night was still fun. The chic that hosts all of the poker nights is transferring. So, this past night was spent with drinks, stories, and what-not. Honestly, I only knew these people through these poker tournaments. However, I actually felt like they were real friends. They were very open with me, and everything just went smooth. It's because of this that I stayed even after I was eliminated. Besides, I always help out with the cleaning afterwards.

So after everything was locked up, we all stood around outside. Our hostess had some parting words, and things were kinda emotional for her. She gave peoples hugs and what-not. It was a bit awkward for me, because she really let loose on my shoulder. At the same time, I felt like I was doing what I'm best at. I provide comfort, no matter who. I'm always another person's shoulder.

They decided to go to a bar down the street. I really didn't want to go. I don't drink, and I don't like loud places. Besides, I didn't have my phone or anything. So I went home.

When I got home, everyone was already asleep. It was still before midnight. I don't sleep until 4 or 5AM. So, I changed clothes, grabbed my phone, and went to the bar.

I'm not very social. I get nervous very easily. And I tend to just sit in the background. So, this was a good step towards getting out, lookin' around, and feeling comfortable in new environments.

It was a small bar with a stage for karoake and stuff that I wouldn't do. Well, I would play pool, but I'm not that good. I saw the group right away. We sat around, talked a bit, and people danced. After an hour, it was time for peoples to leave, so I left as well.

Still felt empty though.

Poker Stats

Better.

Hopefully it's all done. Seems like a bad reaction to some medicine I've been taking for migraines. There's other reasons, but I'll leave that unwritten. Of course, now I have a migraine. And it's not one of those "oh, my head hurts" kind of migraines. For me, it always involves sensitivity to light, sound, and a bit of nausea.

Either way, I just wanted to put down some stats from my recent poker session.

112 hands played.
37% won.
87% of showdowns won.

67% of flops seens.
52% are wins when I see the flop.

I did 2 sit-ins, which involve 10 people. I finished 2nd on the first table, and then 1st on the second table. Both times, it came down to me and the same player. It was a very friendly heads-up, mostly because we played the same way. I don't bluff very often, and I slow-play almost any hand I get. I raise pre-flop when I have a great hand, and I bet mostly on the river. I check-raise most of the time. And if we're going to show hands, I have you beat. Well, at least 87% of the time.

Real Sick

Here's a list of what I ate today:

1 Roll of Ritz Crackers.

And that's it. Something really wiped me out today. Low body temperatures followed by sweats and shakes. Toss in some dry heaving and the inability to do simple tasks. This stuck with me from the time I woke up to around 9PM. I didn't eat a single thing until 7PM or so. All I drank was water and Powerade Option.

It looks like the 22nd of this month is moving day. Well, that's when the moving process is finalized. We plan on loading the moving truck during that weekend and going to Austin as soon as it's all done. I should be back in time for my apartment complex's poker tournament. I'm going to take this one very seriously and fine-tune my game. I tend to be a little bit too friendly, and that leads to bad calls and bad bluffs.

It could be so much worse.

"Make something, make someone
Beg on a knee, baby baby please
Pout your bottom lip
While cracking the whip
You know what we want,
It's candy to cum to"

Queens of the Stone Age - Sick, Sick, Sick

Return of the Lyrics

Thinking can be very unhealthy.

I'm glad that my parents are moving out of here soon. Everytime I'm here, things from the past start to haunt me. Things, and people. Whenever I leave the house, I always double-check how I look. If I run into anyone, I don't want to be wearing one of my old shirts, and unshaved. It's not the best look for me. At the same time, I don't want to run into anyone. The idea of running into an ex...well, I don't even want to think about it.

I don't talk to anyone here. None of the exes, I mean. (I'm sure I've typed that before on here.) However, I do keep up with the "local news." 2 of them are married now. 1 of them has a kid. That really freaks me out. I still think of myself as being young. To think that other people my age are doing this really weirds me out.

It also weirds me out because I could have been stuck in that position. If I had let myself be sucked into the way of life around here, there is a strong chance that I would have been married by now. This small, podunk town has a way of connecting two people and forcing them to believe that most of the world doesn't exist. You only get so many chances to leave and make something of yourself.

Of the people I knew from when I lived here, most of them still live here. Sure, they have jobs, but they don't have a real career. They hang out with the same people. They go to the same places. Nothing has really changed about them.

It reinforces my choice to get out of here. I don't want to run with the same crowd. I want something new as often as possible. I get bored easily with routine events, common places, and even people. It's like a person who does something dangerous just for the adrenaline rush. After a while, it doesn't give you the same rush. So you find a taller cliff, a faster river, or a better airplane.

That's not really a good trait to have, is it? Always looking for the next thing. Never happy with what's in front of you.

Oh well.

"Don't you want to go into the hollow?
I won't go it alone.
Aren't you gonna follow?"

Queens of the Stone Age - Into The Hollow

Cycle Out

Sometimes, I forget the important things.

Everything I do is part of a cycle. And I just realized that my current mood means I have come around full-circle. I'm right back where I started. The mystery is in figuring out just how long it has been.

I'm bored and frustrated. I'm stressed out. I can't do anything about it right now. Well, I can change the boredom issue. That's about the only thing I can change. My frustration stems from not being about to really start my life. There are still some steps I have to take. For instance, I need to find a job. And that's where my stress comes from. I'm trying to plan out the next 5 years, but I can't do it because I don't have enough information. I can't plan even 1 year ahead because I have no clue about the next month.

So, there's just a couple of things I can focus on to distract me. Right now, I'm helping my parents with their move to Austin. The living room is already full of boxes. And there's still plenty left to pack. However, my mom frustrates me with her sentimentality. I want to throw away 80% of the things I pick up, and she wants to keep 80% of everything. I believe that if it can be replaced, it can be throw away. The less junk we pack, the less work we do.

I picked out my next project. I've always wanted to write a book. Well, I don't think I can work with all of my blog posts, even if they date back to August of 2003. Much of what I wrote were just repeated ramblings. So I've decided to create characters, situations, and such. I've planned out all of the necessary details, and a basic structure of the story. I know who is going where, and where point A, point B, and point C are. I just have to work on my vocabulary and relating it to today's average person. (My sister encouraged me to write a book. Among my brother, her, and myself, she's the smartest and most realistic. So, if she gives advice, it's best to listen.)

I guess that's why I feel the same as 5 years ago. At that time, I was packing my stuff and preparing for college. My parents were sentimental in keeping all of my stuff that I didn't want anymore. I was bored for most of the summer. I didn't really hang out much with my friends.

But when I compare 2002 - 2007 to 1997 - 2002, well, it's really no comparison. People always say that high school sucks, it was full of awkwardness, and everything was a popularity contest. But it's so much easier to fit in when you see the same people 5 times a week. People make an effort to at least say something to the kid sitting in the corner. If you don't offend anybody, you get a good reputation. If you are nice to the right person, people like you. I didn't feel awkward. I wasn't the most popular, but I'd say a majority of the students knew who I was.

In college, I wasn't even friends with my first roommate. And all of the friends I eventually made were because I saw them more than 4 times a week. It might have been because the class met that many times, or it was through a large group project. But, for each of my "MWF" classes, no one came up to me. But that's the price to pay when you choose a public school like UT-Austin. This really is the generation of the self-centered and egotistical. If you don't have a RAZR, or a video iPod, no one is coming up to you. (I will never get a Motorola RAZR. They are everywhere. I'm not saying that all people who have one just want to be "in." I'm just saying that I don't want to be like everyone else. I do have an iPod though.)

But, here's hoping that the next 5 years are better.