Some Commentary

I just read this story from the USA Today about the USA's Women's soccer team. While I didn't watch the consolation match, I still kept up with what was going on.

When the coach decided to bench Hope Solo so he could put in a 'veteran' goalie, I completely disagreed. In sports, coaches and the general media put too much importance on experience. I know that you can't have a team full of rookies, but you don't need your veterans to play. You need them to provide support and give advice when necessary.

Brazil torched the US. 4 goals were allowed, but only 3 were by Brazil. But that's more goals than were allowed by Solo in the past 298 minutes of game time. The coach should have taken a note from the NHL. You start the hot goalkeeper. (I mean 'hot' as in 'unstoppable,' not as in 'wow, she's hot!' I mean, she's kinda cute...for a soccer player...)

After the game, Solo made some comments that undoubtedly hurt some feelings. But the truth hurts. Her main point was that if she were playing, she would have stopped those goals. She mentioned that she disagreed with the coach's decision, and that they whouldn't choose their players based on achievements from years ago. While I cannot definitely say she would have stopped those goals, I completely agree on her second point.

But then I read this article, and the team's reaction disgusts me. They shunned her and pratically put her in the corner. She was not allowed to have meals with the team, or even practice with the team. If I were in Solo's shoes, I would have left the team immediately after this treatment. After one minute of isolation, I would have been on a plane back to the US. She carried that team through the tournament up until she was benched. And then she's treated like crap.

Sure, the US won 3rd place. But that's just a fancy term for "loser to another loser." The coach screwed things up, and he should be held accountable. But these last two things bug me the most.

"As Sunday's 4-1 rout of Norway drew to a close, Lilly left the field in the waning moments and paused to embrace Scurry and hand her the captain's armband."

While Scurry should be consoled for sucking so bad against Brazil, it is a slap in the face to Solo.

"'I'd like to think that I'd like to forgive her,' Wambach said."

What the hell does that mean? Maybe I'll possibly forgive her? Seriously. When the US played North Korea, there was so much talk about how this team has great chemistry and gets along really well. But then you get a statement like that. It makes me believe that these are a bunch of high school drama creating teens. That quote is something you would hear on "The Hills."

By the way, that show is absolutely terrible. I watched 2 minutes (don't ask me why), and it made me feel dumber. My brain turned to mush.

Sleep Soon

Just setup my voice mail. I hate it, but it's kind of necessary right now. I don't want to miss any important phone calls, or give the impressions that I do not want to be contacted. But then I also need to get on that "Do Not Call" list. It's supposed to be easy, so why not...

Going to bed early tonight because there's a Longhorn game on at 2:30PM. I want to wake up at 1PM. And then on Sunday, the Cowboy game is at noon, so I'll need to get some sleep then also.

No MySpace rant tonight. It's been so long that I've cooled down. I haven't sign in for over a week now. I don't care anymore, and it's a nice feeling. I'm still on good terms with Facebook. But I would like to get more people to sign up with Pownce. I really like how you can transfer file on it.

Top Four List

I'm not even going to flip a coin. I'll just assume it will come up tails.

It's a little weird how I remember things from my first three years of high school, but I have a difficult time remembering anything from my last year. Well, there are some things that I can't forget, but I try hard to do so.

I led a girl on. Kind of. She became interested in me, even though she had never met me before. I wasn't really attracted to her, but I thought she was nice. So I hung out with her and things weren't awkward. Towards the end of September, another girl tried to grab my attention. She was very outspoken about how she liked me, and I thought it would be interesting to see how things went.

At the time, I had a bench to myself on one of the buses we used for football games. She decided to start sitting next to me. I didn't object, and figured it would be nice to have some female company. She was into me, and it seemed like it would be good. Really good.

In October, it started to get cold, which was rather early for Dallas. So everyone brought a jacket or a blanket for our time in the stands. She choose to bring a blanket. And she chose to use it on the bus as well. Needless to say, blankets have another function besides keeping someone from feeling cold. (Mistake #1)

I made plans to spend time with her one afternoon. At her place. With her parents gone. (Mistake #2)

I dumped her the next week. (...No, that wasn't a mistake. Maybe it was bad on my part, but it wasn't a mistake.)

The first girl I mentioned and I went to see a movie together. (Mistake #3)

I never gave her the "let's be friends" speech. (Mistake #4)

I made a few other mistakes that I don't want to mention. They are things that no one knows. Those that I listed above are known to at least a few. That's why I don't feel uncomfortable listing them out online.

A while back, I was trying to figure out what my weekends were like. I remember that my Fridays ran long, and that I stayed up pretty late. But it wasn't until a day ago that I remembered what happened on Saturdays. I would wake up around noon, and just search for anything to watch. If there was nothing on TV, I would go to the computer and listen to music. If that was too boring, I would call people up. Or at least that's what popped into my mind.

I also had a Playstation by that time, so that kept me busy on the weekend. (I'd spend anywhere from 12 to 20 hours a weekend with that Playstation. Now, not so much.)

Either way, it's late again, and I don't feel like staying up until 1PM.

"If talent were karaoke, I'd get drunk and then do her."

Third Year

Before I flip that coin, just want to mention that I fell asleep around 1:30PM. Woke up at 6:30PM. I should be tired right now, but I'm not. Real fun.

Alright, so MySpace rant or Summer '00 to Spring '01.

I kid you not, it's tails again.

Junior year schedule:
Band
Spanish II
Speech/Sociology (?)
English III
AP US History
AP Pre-Calculus
Physics I

Right at the end of my sophomore year, there was a school trip for those students who passed that final TAAS test. (A stupid standardized test.) We all went to Six Flags. I rode my first roller coaster, but I didn't do much after that. It was fairly hot and I started to get dehydrated. I went towards the entrance and saw a friend of mine. She introduced me to a friend of hers. We talked a bit then, and we decided to keep in touch over the summer. You know, phone calls, emails, and IM. But a weird thing happened a week or two later.

I received a random IM from a girl in the french horn section. Talked a bit before they said that it wasn't who I thought it was. There was a bit of a guessing game, but I figured it out. It was another chic from band. It had me a bit confused, but we kept talking anyway. That conversation went from nearly 6PM to 1AM. She wanted to talk again the next day, so that was another 7-hour talk.

Now, before this, we had never talked or anything. Since we were in band and came in the same year, I did notice who she was. At the time, I considered her to be cute. So there was a small amount of attraction from my end. Towards the middle of the second IM conversation, I had already told her about this. It got her interest, so by the end of the night, I had her number.

I would say that from the middle of June to the beginning of August, I spent 40 hours a week on the phone with her. Everything was comfortable, and we got to know each other. We were looking forward to band camp, but I was rather nervous. Up to that point, I just kept thinking about, "Do I go straight to her? Do I hang out with her? Should I just ease in slowly?"

One of the more interesting band camp sessions involved my 'initiation' into a club. This club brought in two new members each year, and the only requirements were that you had to be accepted by the other members, and you had to do something embarrassing. It was determined that I had to serenade one of the freshman. The chic I had been talking to knew in advance what was going to happen, and it was my job to get her attention before I did it so she could laugh at me. (Yea, real nice.) I didn't. So, everyone else got to see my sing "Light My Fire" to one of the cuter freshmen.

I was drinking every other night at this point. It was only a drink or two at a time, and it was only for relaxation. One night, she called me and I was on that second drink. She noticed I was talking way more than usual. (Which means I was talking more than 25% of the time.) She wanted me to quit drinking, and so I did. (Ugh, the things I do for people...)

Either way, we kept talking all the way through until UIL, which was the middle of the October. The morning before, a friend and I went to a flower shop. We hid the purchases at another friend's house for easy access the morning of. I totally caught her off guard, and she really opened up to me. Funny thing is...

She had some secrets. She had told me she was single, but she wasn't. I forgot how I found out, but things got very tense. I immediately stopped talking to her. I didn't even want an explanation. I went along my way for the next week before I was called down to the guidance counselor's office. She was sitting in there, and had manipulated her counselor to get me in there as well. The counselor left the room and let her talk to me.

I don't remember exactly what was said, but there was an apology in there somewhere. And not one of those look down at the floor and say, "I'm sorry." It was eye-to-eye, with tears running down her face, and she was practically down on her knees. I happen to be a forgiving person, and I figured that she was sincere. We started over, and things kept moving along. One of the things she had promised me was that she was going to dump her current boyfriend.

I met her sister in December, and we randomly ended up at a band dance that night. The next day, I met her parents. Her parents really liked me, and everything was good.

However, over the winter break, we didn't spend anytime together. We didn't even talk on the phone for more than 5 minutes. I got the feeling that she was avoiding me. So I stopped trying, and just did my own thing. I figured some space was healthy. I looked forward to the start of the new year and getting things going again. When school did start back up again, she was real quiet with me. She didn't even look at me. It wasn't until a few days later that her best friend came up to me and pulled me aside.

So, there was a rumor going around that Girl B and I were hooking up behind Girl A's back. We immediately straightened things out, but it was still awkward. Meanwhile, I found out that Girl A still had a boyfriend. So, I ended it.

I know it's a flaw of mine, but it isn't one I care to fix. When I trust someone, it is with complete faith in that person. No matter what, my faith in them could not be budged. But that's only from external forces. If you betray that trust in anyway, there is no, "Goodbye." I just disappear. Before an apology can leave their lips, I'm already too far away to hear it.

That spring semester was not very fun. I beat myself up over my poor judgment, and it affected me physically. My blood pressure shot up, and I missed a week of school because of it. I just remember spending that week at home and quietly figuring it all out. When I have a problem, I deal with it head on. I start thinking about it, and I don't stop until it's resolved.

She tried to get me back by dumping her boyfriend and saying "love" again. But it was all third-party information, since I was never around her. She waited for me, and hoped that I would come back. But nope, I didn't. My mind was made up, and I looked elsewhere.

That decision set the path for me. I became even more withdrawn, but I had a new fire inside me. I did whatever I wanted. I made my own decisions without consulting anyone. I grew up very quickly. That May, I tried out for drum major. A week later, they made the announcement, and I was 2nd Drum Major. I think that was the day she quit band.

But if there were any positives out of that school year, it was 2 friendships in particular. It was the maturity I gained. It was the new self-confidence I gained after learning that, "Hey, some chics want me." It wasn't a great year, but it was still important.

So, tomorrow is a MySpace rant or the mistakes I made my senior year.

"If beauty were a stationary bike, she'd be between my legs right now."

To The Point

I'm starting a little late tonight, so I'm not going to go with either of the topics I mentioned yesterday. That will have to wait. I'm a bit tired, but I'm supposed to head over to my parents in 2 hours.

If you didn't know, I'm a big Guitar Hero fan. I'm actually pretty good. Well, good enough to win a local tournament earlier this year. While Guitar Hero 3 is coming out next month, I'm looking forward to Rock Band just a bit more. The idea of playing drums on a song is exciting to me. I mention this because the company behind Rock Band is touring the US with a stage. You get a band together, play the game, and compete against other bands. I can definitely hold my own on guitar, but I'll need at least another guitar player and a drummer. I'm sure my bro can fill in on guitar, since he's getting pretty good. If their available, and if I buy Rock Band the day it comes out, I have person in mind to be the drummer. If they're available. Yes, the band will need a singer, but I'm sure I can handle that and playing guitar at the same time. Just to test myself, I put in the original Guitar Hero and played "No One Knows." I sang along, and I only messed up a little bit. The tour doesn't get to Austin until December, so I have time.


I really like that show "Red Eye." There's so much dark humor, and the guests are either hot or extremely funny. When the host introduces the panel, he always uses the same formula...

"If beauty were Vienna sausages, I would eat her in the can."
"If beauty were a shoe, I'd make sure her tongue was in the right place, and then tie her up."
"If intelligence were a soap dispenser, I'd pump her in the bathroom."
"If cuteness were a washing machine, I'd put a dirty load in her."

Maybe offensive to some, but I think it's funny.

Second Bit

So, last night I determined the two topics I would choose from. MySpace rant, or my transition from freshman to sophomore.

Coin flip...tails again? There is a 12.5% chance of flipping 'tails' three times in a row. However, that didn't mean I had a 12.5% chance of flipping 'tails' this specific time. Still 50-50.

My freshman year really started at the beginning of August 1998. Those of us who were going to be in band had to meet a little early for freshman orientation. That was code for 'summer band practice.' We had to get fitted for uniforms, check out an instrument, and get ready for what the season would bring. We didn't spend the first day outside, because it would have been the perfect situation for kids to faint. So we learned how to march in the gym.

Here's my attempt at listing my freshman classes:

AP Biology
Band
Computer Applications
English I
AP Geometry
AP World Geography
???

Now that I'm trying to remember, I can't. Maybe I have band and biology switched. Was band in the afternoon? I know for sure 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th period are all right. Biology was in the morning for sure. Didn't we have to take health and psychology? That was probably 7th period.

Either way, I can only remember what I was like. I had my two good friends, and I didn't talk to many other people. Well, there was a group of people I knew from middle school, so I talked to them also. Of course, I'm talking about the 'smart kids.' I had 3 friggin' AP classes, so it only makes sense.

I was a little more extrovert during health, only because there were a few cute chics in there. One in particular started talking to me, and she was probably the best chic in that class. After roll was taken, she would come sit next to me. If they ever showed a video, we usually just ignored it.

I wasn't nearly that talkative during band. But I got to know the people in my section, and they were all female. In fact, I was the only guy playing french horn that entire year. It was a little weird, but they made sure I was comfortable and having fun.

Once the first year was under my belt, I no longer felt nervous or anxious about school. I felt like I had established my reputation and who I was. The only things that needed to change were my hair style, my clothes, and my lack of communication. So, in the 2 months between the end of the year and the beginning of the next band camp, I fixed it all. My hair was parted on the left before, and I changed it to the middle. I wore very interesting colors before, but then I started wearing carpenter pants more often. I also learned how to start conversations and get people to be interested in me.

So when I came back the next year, people looked at me different. The big glasses and goofy hair were gone. I went up to people and got to know them. Sure, some of them weren't really good influences. But more people knew who I was.

In fact, my sophomore year is when I started to rebel in certain classes. Well, kind of. I didn't like my chemistry teacher. She always had a witty response for any student. When she had her back turned, I would raise my arm and flip her off. No one ever told on me, so it was a weekly thing. Also, I would have a smart-ass comment for her if she ever said something snide to me. I was sent out into the hallway a few times for that.

(Just a brief note about Chemistry. There was a girl in that class that was quite possibly the most beautiful in the school. She wasn't a girl. She was a woman. Now, when I rate a chic on the 10-point scale, I get criticized for being too harsh. That year, during that class, she was a 10.)

AP World History was greatness. Yes, it was the smart class, but I was part of a group of students that gave the teacher a difficult time. We frequently ignored her, talked louder than a whisper, and made a mockery out of assignments. The most notorious one was when we were assigned to construct a time-line. We randomly drew a line, and randomly pinpointed years on the line. For some reason, this set her off, so we had to meet with her after class for a 15 minute lecture. After a year of this, she gave up teaching AP World History. The group celebrated that as a win.

Don't even get me started on Spanish I. Nothing was accomplished in that class, but it started my writing 'career.' My first project was a script for a porn movie featuring my friends. No, I didn't go into detail for the sex scenes. It was more about making fun of people and such.

By the end of that year, I had made plenty of female friends. I talked a bit more. And I had started drinking. That really paved the way for the next two years.

Sophomore classes:
Band
Art
AP Algebra II
Chemistry
English II
AP World History
Spanish I

So, tomorrow is either the MySpace rant, or the following summer and my junior year.

Good Ol' Football

I was about to start my post on why MySpace is so boring for me. But almost 30 seconds before I touched this keyboard, I realized something.

There are two things I can do that might spice things up for myself, and probably for my reader(s) as well. The first is that I can mention two different topics or stories, and flip a coin to determine which I go with. The second is that I can add a poll to the right and let you choose. I'd put the poll up at the end of the most recent post, and take the official count minutes before I write again.

The problem is that I don't know how many people could access the poll, so I don't think it would be a good idea. On the other hand, if I do a coin flip, who is going to see the result besides myself? Where's the fun in that?

For now, I'll flip a coin. MySpace rant or another high school story. (I have a journal that I created my senior year. Just by reading a sentence, I can remember what happened that day.)

Haha, tails never fails.

I went through that journal, but there's nothing decent enough to put on here. That really forces me to try to remember something. I'm ruling out any football games. I had fun some of the time, but there wasn't anything interesting going on. The half-time performances weren't really interesting either.

Well, maybe I'm wrong about that. Now that I think about it, I probably had the most fun during my first two years. Having something to do on a Friday night was a new experience for me. The football season lasted from the middle of August to early November. The weather for the first game was always in the 90s. Each week, the weather would cool down just a bit. By the time the season was over, the temperature would be closer to the 40s. It had to be cold because I remember families bringing blankets to keep warm. If it was extremely cold, the band could bring blankets too.

Riding the bus to an away game was fun as well. There was always a song, or something funny happening. I sat by myself for the first two years if I remember correctly. But I would have my CD player and a window to look out of. Going to the game wasn't as fun as coming back.

The games would usually end around 10:30PM. If it was a home game, I'd be home by 11:30PM. Right after the school song was played, we would file out of the stands, and get back on whichever bus we were assigned. We would put our uniforms back in their bag and wait for everyone to be accounted for.

But it meant that when we did leave, it was cool and dark. Depending on the location, I would be treated with a view of downtown Dallas on the busiest of nights. So much traffic and so many lights. I would stare out and into other cars, just so I had a visual of who was out there. Sometimes a guy would point out the occasional hot chic driving. "Oh man, did you see that?!"

When we arrived back at the school, we would hang up our uniforms, put our instruments away, and then meet with the directors. If anyone acted up, they had to stay a little bit late. If we had a bad performance, we all had to stay late. If it was an away game, this could be anywhere between midnight and 1AM.

So, my Friday looked like this:

5:45AM: Wake up.
6:40AM: Be at the band hall.
7:00AM: Band practice.
8:05AM: Back to band hall to change.
8:20AM: First class started. (Band for me.)
3:45PM: School ended.

Depending on how far we had to go, we either went back to the band hall right after our last class ended, or we would have to show up around 5PM.

7:15PM: Game starts.
8:30PM: Half-time show.
10:30PM: Leave game.

As I mentioned, I got home between 11:30PM and 1AM. But I would still stay up once I did get home. I'd be online talking to people, or I'd be on the phone. (Yes, I used the phone plenty back then.) I really don't remember how I stayed up. I barely remember what my Saturdays were like. I'll have to ask my parents, because they should remember.

Either way, tomorrow is a MySpace rant or my metamorphosis from freshman to sophomore.

Story Number One

There are two things on my mind right now that are still fresh. I can either explain why I dislike MySpace now, or I can talk about high school and how I made a girl frown. It's really a coin flip. It could go either way.

("It could go either way." I say that too much now. Especially when they are holding A-K, and I have 9-9. The odds are close to 50-50, so it could go...my way or theirs. Either way.)

How about a legitimate coin flip? ...Tails.

First, I'll have to explain something from years before. Back in 8th grade, I was kicked out of GT English. I was told that GT stood for 'gifted and talented.' I was in all of the GT classes. But I hated reading, and I didn't like the teacher, so I really half-assed it. Well, more like quarter-assed it. Well, more like...you see where this is going...

When I hit 10th grade, they wanted to put me back into the advanced English class. But they called it 'Pre-AP' English. It conflicted with my AP Algebra II class, so I had to choose. I didn't care for anything considered 'Pre-AP.' It made the class sound like it was full of students that were only a little above-average. In that case, I'd rather have a 97 in 'regular' English than a 90 in 'Pre-AP' English. (I don't remember what I made.)

During the summer between my 11th grade and 12th grade years, I went to summer school for 2 days with the intention of clearing out English IV. Had to get out, so I ended up taking it during the regular school year. That teacher somehow got the privilege of getting a teacher's aide. She was a cute girl, and only one grade behind me. She was on the drill team, so not only did I see her every weekday from 11:50 to 12:40, I also saw her during band practice on Friday mornings and at the football games later those nights. (The seating arrangement. You know, a picture would work really well here. I sat two seats behind and to the right of her.)

She was friends with the girl who sat to the right of me. I wasn't attracted to her at all. She was nice, but we all know what it means when you describe someone by saying, "Well, they're really sweet..." Either way, that girl had a crush on me. But I had a crush on the teacher's aide. So it was really awkward when I found out.

I didn't want things to get worse, but I also wanted to put myself out there. I told the teacher's aide how I felt. It wasn't mutual. I did the whole, "It's ok, I understand" routine and went back to my seat. Things were really awkward after that.

So, one day a college counselor came to our class. She listed some universities and asked if any of us were going to one. I raised my hand and mentioned UT-Austin. She put a shocked look on her face and asked whether it was through a scholarship or financial aid, and I replied, "Yes." (Man, I was such a smart-ass. Still am, though.) I slumped back in my chair because it got quiet. In my peripheral, I noticed that the teacher's aide was just staring at me. She wasn't smiling. She just had that look of, "Wait...what?" I know she was waiting for me to look at her, or at least acknowledge her with some sound. Didn't.

Whenever I reminisce like this, I always ask myself if there was something I would go back and change. For this particular moment, the answer is no. But concerning high school in general, I would have tried a bit harder. I was an A-B student. If I liked the subject, it was an A. If I didn't like the subject and/or the teacher, it was a B. I would definitely go back and turn those B's into A's. I would have put myself out there for 'the ladies' more than I did. (After I graduated, I received a list of the girls who were into me. A few were more than acceptable.)

So, next up is why I'm done with MySpace. In fact, I'm going to log in right now to post a bulletin. I'm going to let people know that I'm done with it. Or should I just not say a thing? I'm not sure...

Coin flip...

What? Who?

No, I'm just kidding myself. There's plenty of topics I could attack. Sports. Politics. Entertainment. But I limit myself because I might offend someone. I know what type of security measures are in place, and one wrong word can ruin your life.

There's also a matter of truth. I wouldn't say that I've put up a facade. I just restrain myself at different levels according to the company present. The way I normally talk is for those such as family, and friends that I don't share much with. But I only describe it as 'normal' because I use it most of the time. When I feel comfortable with someone, I really let loose.

The biggest problem is that I choose one of these 'settings' very early in a friendship or relationship. If it matches that person, I keep it. For instance, when I met my group for my Computer Architecture project, I got a feel for each member. At first, they were very proper and didn't talk out of turn. So I matched their level. However, after one class where the prof really sucked, the group started to use profanity and such. It was early enough that I was able to readjust, and I fit in once again. In fact, I felt more relaxed once they let their guard down.

It's a weird thing, really. Some people that I've known for 10 or more years only see the polite and mindful Andy. Some people that I've know for far less time get the 'no-regards-for-anyone' Andy. Example: I've known Pat for nearly 12 or so years. And while he cusses, drinks, and smokes, I still restrain myself. Even though I'm much older now, and I know plenty more, I still don't change my language or actions.

It transfers over to how I write as well. My text messages and emails vary according to the receipient. In fact, for some of my friends, I put together messages that would impress English professors. For this blog, I hold back. I check my grammar twice depending on the time. I'll look up information on parentheses to make sure I'm doing it right. But I also write exactly what I think, so some sentences are definitely fragments. It all depends.

By the way, when did "suck" become a bad word? It was censored on Around The Horn, it was mentioned on Red Eye, and it has asterisks on iTunes. When will "blow" become a bad word? What about "crap?" So, the next time I talk about the Spurs, I'll have to say, "Man, they play the sport of basketball poorly. They are really inept at putting the ball through the metal circle. That referee misjudged that play." (Translation: Man, the Spurs suck. Ginobili blows. That ref is full of crap.)

Shorter

I get to house-sit my parent's place this weekend. No plans for that. And it's not the entire weekend either. They are taking off Thursday night, or early Friday morning, and they aren't coming back until Saturday from what I understand. So I'll have some time to myself, and to really get my head together. I love being alone in a quiet place.

Through the magic of 'teh interweb,' I got some Queens of the Stone Age CDs that I didn't have. I'm going through them in chronological order, and it's really something to hear. Josh Homme's voice was totally different when they first started out.

Running low on inspiration for posting, though. I figure it'll come back after this weekend, but there isn't much happening right now.

Fast Points

Just a few quick notes.

Whenever I get frustrated, or stressed, just remind me to take a deep breath and evaluate the situation. The past two nights were rough in that I couldn't fall asleep right away. I would stare at the ceiling and think too much. But now I realize that it could be so much worse. I have great friends, and I have my health. That's as much as I can ask for right now. Things get better, and things will make sense eventually.

As I mentioned on Friday, I wanted Diana Taurasi to win. They won on the road. I'm glad for her.

I'm not a big anime fan, but sometimes I find a show that I like. I was watching an episode tonight that was in japanese with english subtitles. I looked away for a moment, but still listened. I understood what was said. It was a simple phrase, but I knew it.

The women's soccer team is playing right now. It's raining pretty hard there. But they just scored in the 1st minute.

You know the scene in Office Space where Peter is at the hypnotherapist, and the guy is about to have a heart attack? Well, if you watched the Monday Night Football post-game interviews, Andy Reid sounded just like him. He was breathing hard and using two words at a time.

It is way too late to go to sleep. It's past 7AM.

Just More

According to my mom, my body is finally caving under the stress. I told her about the neck problems I've had since April. I can turn my head to the left and all, but not without some pain and resistance. It isn't bad at nights, because usually those muscles have been worked through. It hurts the most in the morning, immediately after I wake up.

My mom said it's stress because she had the same problem when she was stressed out years ago.

The reason why I say "my body" and not "my neck" is that this morning, my left shoulder felt like it wasn't in place. I've had mornings where I slept awkwardly and so my arms were numb. But my shoulder wasn't numb. It just hurt, almost burned.

I don't have a fear of rejection. I've initiated 'relationship talks' before with the females. I don't care if they say, "just friends." Now, I don't like initiating, or hearing, "just friends." But I'm not scared of it.

However, I get extremely frustrated when I submit my resume to a place, and I don't hear back. I know, I have no work experience. Businesses don't like that. But I take these silent treatments as rejections. Pretty much, they've said, "Sorry, not good enough."

I just want to walk up to one of their managers, slam my fist on their desk, and tell them why they need me. Maybe I am labeled a "computer programmer." That doesn't mean that is my only area of 'expertise.' There are things I do that not very many people can.

I understand people. I may not like people, but I understand them. I can figure out why they act a certain way, or why they feel the way they do. I put myself in their shoes, and I can experience it from their point of view. Because I am able to figure that out, I know exactly what someone needs to hear. I may not have the most expansive vocabulary, but I can break down any message so that a 3rd-grader can understand it. Or, if they need an intelligent conversation, I can tweak it.

In my family, I am the glue that keeps things together. I am the oil that keeps everything working. If my dad and my bro argue, I know how to stop it, analyze it, and fix it. If my mom is being focused on when she really doesn't want to be, I know how to grab their attention and hold it. When anyone I know has something on their mind, I'm there to hear it and assure them.

Imagine if I applied these things to a legitimate business. Oh, and if they needed some small software for who knows what, I could do that too.

So, the more I get passed over, the more I'll relate that to a female saying, "just friends." I'll sit there, smirk, and say, "That's too bad, because you don't know what you're missing." I won't wait around for a reply. I'll be out of the door before you finish blinking.

Strong Women

Want to know?

Of course I won. Only 6 people played, and one was new to the game. Amazingly, they weren't the first one out. I played fairly well, and I had my opponents confused about what I was doing. They would say things like, "Well, I haven't seen you bluff." Yet, right after saying that, they continued, "But I'm gonna call." Yea, I don't bluff very often. So it's real fun when the other person gets frustrated after seeing my cards.

I wouldn't call myself a soccer fan. I know the rules, and I'm actually good at the sport, but I rarely watch it. Since I'm awake until nearly 7AM each morning, the TV runs in the background. Around 4AM, things tend to suck. However, on ESPN, they are showing the FIFA Women's World Cup. Normally I would keep surfing through. But the quality of play is actually good. And the US is playing Sweden.

(Some female soccer players are actually hot. Like Heather Mitts. But I do think that if one were to kick me, I would explode.)

I don't watch the WNBA. Basketball doesn't start until Oct. 31st for me. But I do know some of the players. I think Sue Bird is cute. Diana Taurasi is the female equivalent of Steve Nash. In case no one has reported it, the WNBA Finals are in progress, and I'm rooting for Taurasi. Her team has usually been at the bottom. And I'm tired of the Detroit Shock winning every time.

I logged onto MySpace yesterday. It was the 1st time in nearly a week. This time, I'll make it a week.

I didn't mention this on Tuesday. Well, I didn't mention a few things. That day was September 11th, or 9-11. That day holds significance for me, but not for the same reason you might think. It just so happens to be my mom's birthday.

When we came back from my parent's house, it was below 80 degrees outside. We drove back with the windows down, and it was amazing. It felt like an eternity since the last time a cool wind ran through my hair. For just a short moment, every memory with a cool wind flashed through my mind. Each fraction of that second featured a different fall or winter from as far back as I could remember.

When I was 3 or so, I was sitting in the car with my dad. It was an old Lincoln Continental, but it was an ugly green. It was cold enough outside to where the ground was covered in white. I pushed in the cigarette lighter because it always popped back out. Like a jack-in-the-box. When it popped, I took it out and looked at it. It was glowing orange, and the orange was swirled. I looked at my thumb and the swirls on it. I must have thought it was a match because my thumb touched that bright metal.

We went inside a building and put my thumb under some water. I remember screaming, but not crying.

I haven't messed with cigarette lighters since.

Get Ready

Having sinus issues again. There isn't much reason for it, but apparently my Dad is having the same problems. I think it has something to do with the small cold front that came through Monday night, and how I ran through the rain. Just a guess.

Going to take some (non-drowsy) pills and head over to the apartment office. Tonight is the poker tournament, if it actually happens. Not very many people were signed up when I went in there on Tuesday. In fact, I was the fifth person on the list. That's ok. The less people there are, the faster I'll finish it all up.

The only thing that sucks is I don't know who is hosting the tournament. The former hostess trusted me to set things up and keep things going. I set out the chips, kept the timer on the blinds, and settled any "disputes" that came up. I hope the new person doesn't try to mess with things.

Eh, it really doesn't matter.

MNF FTW

Was ok today. Spent the night watching two Monday Night Football games. I wish they would do it more often, but I understand that would be near impossible to pull off.

I do want to say that the Arizona - San Francisco game was terrible. Matt Leinart is horrendous. He needed 28 pass attempts to get over 100 passing yards, and he only completed half of those. 2 interceptions, and only 1 touchdown. BTW, if you watched those 14 incompletions, they were overthrown, underthrown, or just wrongly-thrown. His receivers did well considering what they had to work with. I'm glad they lost.

My bro and I were talking about how San Francisco should have put up a picture of Vince Young when Arizona was on its last drive. We agreed that every team should do it, though.

I have to go by the office tomorrow to sign up for the poker tournament on Thursday. I hope I'm not too late on that.

Deja Vu

Was checking Digg, and I noticed that two stories hit front page regarding crooked cops.

After checking the links, I noticed that they were the same exact video. The second was submitted nearly 3-1/2 hours after the first. However, at this moment, the second submission has more diggs. Combined, there are over 1400 diggs for this video.

Seems like you can delete 3 or 4 characters from a URL and everything is ok. If you want to get on the frontpage of Digg, just piggyback on another story.

Link 1: Missouri cop caught on tape "I can make up nine things to arrest you"

Link 2: Cop gone wild- Lying and making threats just part of his job

Breaking More Stuff

I ate at some pizza place called "Home Slices." It was alright. A little bit loud, but there were some cute girls there.

I broke a PS2 controller. Got a bit frustrated, and I slammed it on the ground. The level of damage was surprising enough to those watching. They were in shock about how I could destroy something with one move. (I've slammed a controller or two before, but the controller usually survived. Not this time. It practically shattered.) So I put everything away for a few hours. Afterwards, I grabbed another broken controller from years ago and created a 'frankenstein' controller. It works.

Now I'm listening to "Era Vulgaris." Some of the songs are soothing, and that's what I need right now.

Empty

Nope, I've got nothing. No inspiration today.

There were no awkward dreams. There were no interesting emails. I didn't do a thing today that deserves talking about.

Just boring.

Social Stalling

I was just flipping through the channels, and I tend to stop and watch TCM. They show plenty of old movies. They're showing "The Explosive Generation" with William Shatner. It was released in 1961, 18 years before he did the first Star Trek movie. The plot revolves around a teacher (Shatner) and a discussion he raised in class about sex. It goes on to show the chaos that it creates with the parents of the students.

One of the crazier parents looks just like John C. Reilly. He threatened to file a lawsuit against one of the boys because he was holding his daughter. There was a slap involved, and it seemed to make sense considering the era. Morals were tight, and even the smallest things were unacceptable.

It makes me realize that I'm in the right era with regards to my personality. I am not the type to follow rules if they conflict with my own judgment. Not necessarily laws, but just unwritten parental codes and the like. I'm fortunate to have been raised by parents that grew up in the 70s. I didn't have very many restrictions, and the few ones there were concerned my overall health. (Don't stick anything into the electrical socket, don't touch the stove, etc.)

There isn't much reason for me to rebel against authority. My dad worked for the police department, and now does crime scene investigations. I've met plenty of his co-workers, and they were all nice. I have respect for most authority figures. I know what is illegal, and I know what is wrong.

I don't even feel bounded by rules. I'm not overwhelmed by the number or the ridiculousness. The things I do with my day are completely safe.

But some of the things I've done would not have been viewed favorably in the 50s and 60s. And I'm only considering 2000 - 2002. It amazes me how much society has changed, and how abruptly. Usually a movement regarding norms takes centuries. If you compare the 1800s to the 1900s, the tolerances were nearly the same. Children went to school, helped their parents until dusk, and went to bed. The husband worked, and the wife managed the house chores.

Now, there's plenty of movements for equal rights. It isn't uncommon for a woman to be single, working, and successful. There are stay-at-home fathers. Most children come home from school, take pills, and play.

It's difficult to find the source of this change. Some 'experts' say that music is to be blamed for unruly children. Others say it is a direct result of violent video games. But it's something else. I played violent video games during my pre-teen years. I listened to (at the time) heavy rock music. I don't run around with chains and knives. I don't go looking for trouble.

I wouldn't say that women have obtained equal rights. There's still plenty left to be worked out. And while it is a great idea for it to suddenly change, bureaucracies aren't about efficiency.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess that movie made me compare the problems of then to the problems of now. I think that the biggest problem out there, right now, is that many people do not have the right role model. We currently do not have the equivalent of Martin Luther King Jr., Che Guevara, Cesar Chavez, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, or even "The Unknown Rebel."

Who are our leaders? Are there any good ones out there?

Leaving and Dreaming Again

It's been a few days since I've logged onto MySpace. I deleted that bookmark from my desktop and my laptop. I'm going to phase it out soon enough. I won't delete my account. I'm just going to stop checking it everyday. Maybe I'll slow it down to once a month.

Eh, I got sidetracked by the announcement of Silverlight. It's Microsoft's answer to Adobe Flash. It can be integrated with Visual Basic, and it's compatible with C# and Ruby. I know, nerd-speak. Well, if I'm ever going to make my millions, it's going to happen with me sitting at a computer and creating my ideas. I watched a 20-minute tutorial on it, and I can see why it could be great. Still, messing with Adobe Flash is fairly easy.

I had a dream yesterday that had me thinking. In my dreams, I always know what's going on and who is doing what and where. I am constantly aware of my surroundings. However, someone walked up to me, and I couldn't really figure out who they were. Sort of. I knew about them, including where they are from. I knew what they liked, and why they were in the same location as me. Even the physical details were fairly accurate.. But when I had to think of their name, I couldn't. I knew who it was, but I didn't. Does that make sense? I knew who they represented, but I couldn't be 100% sure. Just 90% sure. I think that's the best way to put it.

But then I think about the "why" and "what" of dreaming. Most of my dreams have some connection to the real world. Maybe I saw someone a few days ago, or I heard something. There's a reason for every detail of my dream.

Some people suggest that dreams are your subconscious in full control. The feelings that you suppress or ignore are forced into your dreams. It explains the dreams where I hang out with someone I haven't spoken to in quite a while. I don't spend my day missing them, but they are still part of my subconscious. Any regrets that you want to forget can easily find their way into your dreams.

I'm willing to accept that your subconscious affects your dreams, but I don't think that is the only component. I would say that half of my dreams are lucid dreams. So while my subconscious picks the setting, (who, where, when, and why), I choose what I do. Sometimes I'll follow along and see where things go, while other times I'll do my own thing and ignore certain details.

Well, I followed along in that dream. I had to introduce them, but I couldn't figure out their name, even though I knew who they were. It means one or more of the following:

• I didn't want to admit who they were.
• I didn't understand the situation.
• I wanted to follow along, but I was doing something wrong.
• I was deceived by the person in question and realized it.
• I was too busy looking ahead.

The weirdest thing is that the moment I couldn't remember their name, I had an out-of-body experience. I was standing behind myself, and everything else was black and foggy. I guess that represented my mind at that time. When the mental timer went off and I still couldn't remember, I re-entered myself. The person I couldn't figure out looked at me as though I were the dumbest person alive. And I felt bad.

Yes, I can remember my dreams with that much detail. In fact, I could go on about it, but it's nearly 6AM. I don't like to spend more than an hour on analyzing a dream.

Baleeted

I was reading an article that defined a 'digital packrat.' One of the questions was whether you have email from 5 years ago saved on your hard drive. I know for sure that I have 5 year old emails online in one of my many Hotmail accounts. (In fact, I have one email that is over 6 years old.)

I don't know why I still have these old emails. I guess it's the only way that I can remember what was going on back then. In a way, that was the purpose of my first blog. It was there to remind me of what I was like, just in case I ever changed. Once I ended that blog, I created the second to explore different topics, and start anew. This is my third 'main' blog. I've created several others that served a single purpose. I had one that was completely uncensored, but I didn't like it after a while. I have another to contain my podcasts, but I find it difficult to produce those without someone here to guide my conversation.

Some of my older emails are just special. Maybe it was the first comment I've ever received on a post. Maybe it was the last time I heard from someone. Or it might have been filled with hints that I didn't catch the first time around.

Since I started using Outlook, I've kept all of the emails I've sent as well. I can verify the exact words I used when writing someone. If they replied and didn't include the body of my message, I can go back and find the original.

But now that I think about it, I really don't need those emails. If I can't remember what someone wrote, it must not have been that important. A couple of days ago, I asked about the difference between thinking about the good ol' days and living in the past.

When I ended my first relationship in high school, I took all of the notes she gave me and shredded them. (Yes, this was high school. Back before everyone had text messages. So we passed notes. Pen and paper.) I did it so I didn't have any physical objects to remind me of her, and eventually I would forget. For a month back in 2004, I regretted doing that. Now, I'm fine with that decision, even if it was a minor one.

I think I'll get away from my past by deleting some emails. Then I won't be able to look at them and remember everything attached to them.

And I'll forget.

Some Quick Updates

Yeesh. Sorry there wasn't anything last night. I started to feel sick around 2AM, so I put everything away and went to bed. Yes, I went to bed before 5AM. It's something. I also woke up before 1PM. I felt better this afternoon, but it seems to be coming back right now. It feels like a fever just comes over me, and my neck starts to hurt. It's probably nothing. If it keeps up, I'll get it checked out.

A week ago or so, I mentioned that I wanted to build a webpage with a background that changes according to the time. I have a small prototype up. It displays the Dallas skyline at night when it's between 7PM and 6AM. From 7AM to noon, it displays Seattle. And between 1PM and 6PM, it shows Austin. All of the times are based on the viewers time zone. So, someone on the west coast may get a different background from someone viewing on the east coast. I'm going to add more cities and vary the time more, but I'm happy right now. (In order for it to work, you must have Javascript enabled. Otherwise you just see Austin, I think.)

I also added a small Flickr badge on my blog. It's over to the right, and the pictures keep changing. I'm going to make a real effort to add more pictures everyday. Or every other day.

Same thing with the gym. I haven't been in a few months, and it's time to start getting back on track. I feel too lazy, and running around may be what I need.

Other than that, nothing else that I remember. My head is killing me, so I'm going to sleep on it.

Quick Sleep

Going to try something new. I'm going to head to bed right now, and wake up at 9:30AM.

The apartment office is having their monthly continental breakfast, and they usually have good stuff. Like kolaches. And fresh orange juice. Right after my bro and I stop be there, we're going to the parents' to help my Dad rotate the tires on the Xterra. Well, I'm sure I won't be helping. I'll probably be sleeping. 4 hours of sleep just doesn't work for my body.

Here's a question: What is the line between reminiscing about fond memories and living in the past? Does it have to consume most of your day? Maybe just twice or so a week?

After I watched the Washington - Syracuse game, Fox Sports was airing a high school football game. I forgot what the quality of play was like. Absolutely terrible. But then they showed the band, and it reminded me of some fun bus rides, and some fun in the stands.

Meh.

[Edit]

I just noticed that I had 16 posts for August. (3 posts from the 1st to the 13th, which means 13 posts from the 14th to the 31st. Focused more towards the 2nd half of the month.) That matches the combined number of posts from May, June, and July. Maybe I'm finally on the upswing.