Up Again

Just another sleepless night. Nothing different, most everything is the same.

I figure I'll pass out soon though. I'm tired, but I don't want to go to sleep. Sounds a bit like my 3-year old nephew. He never wants to go to bed. No matter what rewards you promise him, it isn't enough.

But I'm nearly 20 years older than him. In fact, it really freaks me out that I'll be 23 in less than a month. I had plans laid out for myself, and I'm not reaching my milestones. At the same time, I think that my long-term goals have changed. The things I like to do have changed. There are many different routes I can take, and I trust my decision-making ability.

I would say that if you've hung out with me, you know that I make the right decision 99% of the time. And it's not always the obvious. The very rare times that I make a bad decision are usually the result of a lack of sleep, medication side effects, or just plain absent confusion.

However, I think that if you've ever communicated with me, whether face-to-face or not, you know that I do the right thing. So far, I can only think of one thing that I regret, and even that isn't 100%. I still would have done the same thing, only different. I would change some slight details. So, it isn't that big of a deal. Some people gather regret like its stock is going to shoot straight up.

Currently, I am faced with making another decision. Well, a few, but I'm thinking extremely short-term right now. If I had to assess the risk-reward ratio, I would say it's a low-risk, low-reward kind of thing. I like to gamble, so it's not much of a choice.

And I choose to sleep on it. Just for tonight.

Not A Bad Song

"You know why
They called and just let it ring
No reply
The door is open I swear
Ain't no use in picking up
You know why

[chorus:]
It's all my head I know
So they tell me so
Until my head explodes
Into my head it goes

Tastes so good
Oh, but I knew it would
Tastes so good
Burn like a match house
Medicate just to make you soft
Love is blind

Catch and release me
What the hell were they thinking of
You know why

[repeat chorus]"

- I Think I Lost My Headache by Queens of the Stone Age

You're my headache.

Typical Night

5:10 AM. Start.

Ok, it doesn't start at 5:10AM. It's much closer to 1:30AM now. [adult swim] repeats everything it aired from 10PM on. Futurama first, Family Guy second. After that, I really don't care. (Although I'm getting into Bleach right now. It's alright.)

So, after watch the same show twice in one night, the clock says 2:30AM. I laid on my bed for a few minutes and covered my eyes. I felt tired, but then I didn't. I sat back up, and started going through my usual bookmarks. MySpace, Facebook, Netvibes, Pownce, Digg, and then I just start going through Wiki. I'll start with today's date, find an event or significant birth, and then click link after link.

This might get me to 4AM. But it's just a possibility. At this time, all of the good channels air infomercials. So, I go back to my bookmarks. Maybe I'll leave out Wiki this time though.

I go through those boring social sites again, and I've probably killed 30 more minutes. If I'm lucky. It's 4:30AM. The idea of going to bed starts to cross my mind. I brush my teeth and change into some shorts.

I start to look at my blogs, and figure out where my next step is. As an example, I thought about posting a long essay on why I'm fascinated with rap songs about violence. Rappers go on about putting people in graves, capping fellow rappers, and wanting to fight. How can this possibly be good for that "culture?" And during this show, which airs on a public broadcast channel, the hosts are smoking things other than cigarettes, making gang signs at the camera, and speaking with the grammar of a 2-year old. Oh, and there's a picture of Martin Luther King Jr. on a wall behind them. It's the foundation of a generation of hypocrites.

Then I thought about posting about a story I found on ABCNews.com. Apparently, two teenagers were arrested for patting girls on the butt during school. The boys mentioned that it had become the secret hand shake, and one of the "victims" confirmed it.

Teenagers are overfilled with hormones. They are going to do things that are very inappropriate. It is nothing new. Yes, these boys were doing something inappropriate. But they should not have been handcuffed and detained in a juvenile jail. A brief trip to the principal's office should have been more than enough. When I was in 6th grade, I remember two girls standing behind me in line and grabbing my ass. Not patting, but grabbing. You know what I did? Nothing. Didn't bother me.

Some parents shelter their kids, and this can be a very dangerous thing. I'm not saying that we should all run around patting asses. But the kid who never hears a bad word, doesn't date until he or she is 18, and is never in a confrontation is going to be extremely shocked once they are free.

I remember hearing bad words since I was 3. I was "fooling around" with girls before I got into middle school. In 4th grade, if a kid yelled at me, I intimidated him by not backing down. Even with all this, I'm not a bad person. I'm college educated, with no criminal record, and no drug addictions. I hold the door open for women and the elderly. I give everyone a chance, and almost everyone a second chance.

And now, it's 6AM. My eyes aren't tired. But if I don't go to sleep soon, I'm going to make it worse. Tomorrow, I may not fall asleep until 7AM. The day after, 8AM. And that is the only reason I'm forcing myself to lay down.

Something New

I just posted a MySpace bulletin about this, but I'm really starting to get bored with MySpace (and Facebook.) Actually, I've been bored with it for a few months now.

Either way, just mentioning that I have a few invites for Pownce.

File sharing, messaging, and a few other things. Totally free, and the downloadable software is optional. There aren't very many people on it, since it's invite-only. That means you don't get friend requests from hookers and such.

The first people to request an invite get one.

What to do?

It has been a long, long time since I have picked up a bible. So, I don't remember much of what's written.

If I remember correctly, gambling is condemned by the Bible. I could be slightly wrong, or totally wrong about this.

So, if a devout Christian wins the World Series of Poker Main Event, isn't it ironic?

Is it even worse that I'm praying he loses?