Another Round of Frustration

Everyone says I'm quiet. If only they could have heard me tonight...

I talk softly. I want to be loud enough so I'm understood, but not so loud that I'm overpowering the listener. I want to make sure that people know who is talking. I don't want people to wonder who is whispering. I try to find the balance in everything I do.

One of the things I learned in marching band is that yelling loud and yelling with projection are two different things. If you want that short, sudden burst of sound, aim for being loud. If you want someone to hear you clearly a mile away, you have to project your voice. That means you push from your stomach, up through your throat, and out of your mouth.

Sometimes I think I'm going to make the TV break when I "project" my voice at it.

I watched the Mavs lose a critical Game 4 tonight. I could see every mistake in their gameplan, and I knew what to do in order to fix it. But I'm in Austin. The best I can do is yell things like, "Come on!" I punched the couch many times, slammed my fists on the ground, and fought with air.

I'm not really a superstitious person. But I do think that keeping things the same leads to the same result most of the time. So I've tried to figure out what is different now. What am I doing now that I wasn't doing last year, when they got to the Finals?

I played basketball for the first time in a year last weekend. 10 days ago.

I said that I was semi-retired from basketball. At that time, I didn't want to play because the last time was filled with things that I don't really want to talk about. Needless to say, there was a lack of good, clean fun in the last basketball game. I'll leave it at that. But, 10 days ago my parents came down and decided that we should all go to the park. I just put on my jeans and a shirt, because I really didn't want to go. It was a family thing that involved being outside. That's not my kind of thing.

Either way, my bro and my dad played ball for a while. Afterwards, they went on a walk with my nephew. I decided to grab the ball and shoot around, just to see if I still have "it." After 10 minutes or so, this guy came up and wanted to shoot around too. I'm a nice guy, so I agreed. He mentioned that when he usually comes to the park, there's a game going on and he jumps in. I mentioned that my bro and my dad would probably like to get a game going, but I would sit out if that would happen. A bit later, they showed up and I suggested the idea. Remember, I'm in jeans and a shirt with nice, non-basketball shoes.

They talked me into it, and we played 21. I torched them at the start, but then I got tired. I think my bro won that game. Then they decided that there was enough daylight left for one more game. I caught my second wind, and decided to keep playing. I won that game.

If I remember correctly, Miles Davis took a long time off from playing trumpet so he could reset his lips. When he came back, he was better than ever because his new lip placement gave him a better sound and range. I work in the same way. Any talent that I have gets better when I don't do it for a while. One year away from basketball reset my form when I'm doing layups. It reset my form when I'm shooting from long-range. And I was better for it. They were surprised at the new moves I had, and even thought that I had been secretly going to campus to play ball for the past year. (That's not the case though. I shot around once, but nothing more than that.)

So, I now believe that the reason the Mavs suck now is because I started playing basketball again. It's silly, I know. But that's the only thing different from last year.

And the reason I can't sleep is because I'm so frustrated with the Mavs. I'll lay in bed and toss and turn. Ideas will go through my head, my brain will process each detail, and I'll never stop thinking long enough to fall asleep. It sucks.