Cycle Out

Sometimes, I forget the important things.

Everything I do is part of a cycle. And I just realized that my current mood means I have come around full-circle. I'm right back where I started. The mystery is in figuring out just how long it has been.

I'm bored and frustrated. I'm stressed out. I can't do anything about it right now. Well, I can change the boredom issue. That's about the only thing I can change. My frustration stems from not being about to really start my life. There are still some steps I have to take. For instance, I need to find a job. And that's where my stress comes from. I'm trying to plan out the next 5 years, but I can't do it because I don't have enough information. I can't plan even 1 year ahead because I have no clue about the next month.

So, there's just a couple of things I can focus on to distract me. Right now, I'm helping my parents with their move to Austin. The living room is already full of boxes. And there's still plenty left to pack. However, my mom frustrates me with her sentimentality. I want to throw away 80% of the things I pick up, and she wants to keep 80% of everything. I believe that if it can be replaced, it can be throw away. The less junk we pack, the less work we do.

I picked out my next project. I've always wanted to write a book. Well, I don't think I can work with all of my blog posts, even if they date back to August of 2003. Much of what I wrote were just repeated ramblings. So I've decided to create characters, situations, and such. I've planned out all of the necessary details, and a basic structure of the story. I know who is going where, and where point A, point B, and point C are. I just have to work on my vocabulary and relating it to today's average person. (My sister encouraged me to write a book. Among my brother, her, and myself, she's the smartest and most realistic. So, if she gives advice, it's best to listen.)

I guess that's why I feel the same as 5 years ago. At that time, I was packing my stuff and preparing for college. My parents were sentimental in keeping all of my stuff that I didn't want anymore. I was bored for most of the summer. I didn't really hang out much with my friends.

But when I compare 2002 - 2007 to 1997 - 2002, well, it's really no comparison. People always say that high school sucks, it was full of awkwardness, and everything was a popularity contest. But it's so much easier to fit in when you see the same people 5 times a week. People make an effort to at least say something to the kid sitting in the corner. If you don't offend anybody, you get a good reputation. If you are nice to the right person, people like you. I didn't feel awkward. I wasn't the most popular, but I'd say a majority of the students knew who I was.

In college, I wasn't even friends with my first roommate. And all of the friends I eventually made were because I saw them more than 4 times a week. It might have been because the class met that many times, or it was through a large group project. But, for each of my "MWF" classes, no one came up to me. But that's the price to pay when you choose a public school like UT-Austin. This really is the generation of the self-centered and egotistical. If you don't have a RAZR, or a video iPod, no one is coming up to you. (I will never get a Motorola RAZR. They are everywhere. I'm not saying that all people who have one just want to be "in." I'm just saying that I don't want to be like everyone else. I do have an iPod though.)

But, here's hoping that the next 5 years are better.