Missing Too Much

It happened around this time last year. Seems like there's no avoiding it.

For 18 years, I've always spent the beginning of August preparing for school. For K - 12, it wasn't really 'preparing.' I dreaded the first day of school. Well, except for my senior year. I wanted to go to summer school so I could get my 4th English class out of the way. I went the first few days, but I had to drop the class. Instead, I had to spend that part of summer with a few of my fellow band members at a training camp. A couple of weeks later, band camp started for that marching season. So I really never stepped away from school that year.

The summer before my freshman year of college wasn't much. I spent one month in Dallas before moving to Austin. I spent that summer...doing nothing I guess. I really don't remember, and it was before I started a blog. The only thing I do remember was that I had just bought Red Hot Chili Pepper's "By The Way." I put that CD in every night before I went to bed, hit 'repeat,' and drifted off. When the middle of August rolled around, I got my stuff together and headed for the dorms.

I spent the following summer in Dallas. If I recall correctly, that was a summer full of basketball. Brandon, Fermin, my dad, and I would play basketball near 6PM every night. We picked that time because I love it when the sun is going down. The wind feels cooler, and there's still natural light. These sessions could go on for hours, depending on how many people showed up, and whether dinner was going to be good. I left for Austin towards the end of August, and started moving my stuff back into the dorm. This time, I had the chance to pick my roommate.

The next two summers were spent in Austin, and that time was dedicated to summer classes. The old blogs can cover most of what happened. But, the most important detail was that I wasn't preparing for the dorm anymore.

Last summer I spent half of the time in Austin and the other half in Dallas. I just tried to relax as much as possible. But it wasn't for much.

But now, I have a different feeling. It goes back to my first summer in Austin. My bro, his wife, and I would all go on drives every now and then. It was the way for me to get used to Austin and learn the layout. But, I loved feeling the wind come in through the open windows. I loved seeing all of the lights. For me, seeing downtown and its lights is the equivalent of a dedicated astronomer viewing the stars. When you factor in the music we listened to while riding around, it was heaven lite.

But it is also related to my time in the dorms. Even though there was a unique smell to the dorms, it still had its benefits. Each of the two dorms I lived in had a special view. The first was located on the 13th floor. The window faced east, so I could see I-35 perfectly. At night, it was amazing to watch yellow and white lights flow along. The second dorm was on the 6th floor. It faced south, towards downtown. Once again, the lights and sound of traffic kept my attention. Specifically, one little, blinking, red light. I can't remember which building, but it blinked on and off, on and off.

So now, I have two feelings combined into one. I miss the convenience of living in the dorm. Even though I'm out, I miss being on campus. I hate UT and its administration, but I love its campus. Depending on the time of year, you can walk down a street, see hundreds of people, and enjoy some fresh air. You can grab some food at a stand, find a bench to sit down, and just watch the students go to their next class. It was so much easier to do this when I lived on campus. I could just take the elevator down, walk a few hundred feet, and be outside. I could walk south towards downtown, north towards the nicer, emptier restaurants, west towards more dorms and popular restaurants, and east towards the football stadium and music building. Within a mile radius, everything was right there.

Second, I miss being out at night. Late at night. The weather is nicer, and the traffic sounds are less condensed. There aren't as many people, and the taller buildings stand out. If you're walking, you can feel really small while near downtown. If you're in a car, you can get a good idea of just how compact Austin is.

I can fix this though. I can get over it, and get my license. I can do my own thing. But it all depends on finding a job, getting over it, and stepping up. I'm capable, and I'm half-way motivated.

I just need that other half.