Another Round of Frustration

Everyone says I'm quiet. If only they could have heard me tonight...

I talk softly. I want to be loud enough so I'm understood, but not so loud that I'm overpowering the listener. I want to make sure that people know who is talking. I don't want people to wonder who is whispering. I try to find the balance in everything I do.

One of the things I learned in marching band is that yelling loud and yelling with projection are two different things. If you want that short, sudden burst of sound, aim for being loud. If you want someone to hear you clearly a mile away, you have to project your voice. That means you push from your stomach, up through your throat, and out of your mouth.

Sometimes I think I'm going to make the TV break when I "project" my voice at it.

I watched the Mavs lose a critical Game 4 tonight. I could see every mistake in their gameplan, and I knew what to do in order to fix it. But I'm in Austin. The best I can do is yell things like, "Come on!" I punched the couch many times, slammed my fists on the ground, and fought with air.

I'm not really a superstitious person. But I do think that keeping things the same leads to the same result most of the time. So I've tried to figure out what is different now. What am I doing now that I wasn't doing last year, when they got to the Finals?

I played basketball for the first time in a year last weekend. 10 days ago.

I said that I was semi-retired from basketball. At that time, I didn't want to play because the last time was filled with things that I don't really want to talk about. Needless to say, there was a lack of good, clean fun in the last basketball game. I'll leave it at that. But, 10 days ago my parents came down and decided that we should all go to the park. I just put on my jeans and a shirt, because I really didn't want to go. It was a family thing that involved being outside. That's not my kind of thing.

Either way, my bro and my dad played ball for a while. Afterwards, they went on a walk with my nephew. I decided to grab the ball and shoot around, just to see if I still have "it." After 10 minutes or so, this guy came up and wanted to shoot around too. I'm a nice guy, so I agreed. He mentioned that when he usually comes to the park, there's a game going on and he jumps in. I mentioned that my bro and my dad would probably like to get a game going, but I would sit out if that would happen. A bit later, they showed up and I suggested the idea. Remember, I'm in jeans and a shirt with nice, non-basketball shoes.

They talked me into it, and we played 21. I torched them at the start, but then I got tired. I think my bro won that game. Then they decided that there was enough daylight left for one more game. I caught my second wind, and decided to keep playing. I won that game.

If I remember correctly, Miles Davis took a long time off from playing trumpet so he could reset his lips. When he came back, he was better than ever because his new lip placement gave him a better sound and range. I work in the same way. Any talent that I have gets better when I don't do it for a while. One year away from basketball reset my form when I'm doing layups. It reset my form when I'm shooting from long-range. And I was better for it. They were surprised at the new moves I had, and even thought that I had been secretly going to campus to play ball for the past year. (That's not the case though. I shot around once, but nothing more than that.)

So, I now believe that the reason the Mavs suck now is because I started playing basketball again. It's silly, I know. But that's the only thing different from last year.

And the reason I can't sleep is because I'm so frustrated with the Mavs. I'll lay in bed and toss and turn. Ideas will go through my head, my brain will process each detail, and I'll never stop thinking long enough to fall asleep. It sucks.

Just Not Enough

Today just sucked.

I couldn't really sleep last night, so this morning was nothing but pain. Well, it wasn't that bad. I felt fine on the bus ride and afterwards. But that's probably because I always have music on, and that distracts me better than anything.

Class was ok, but I'm starting to dread finals week and what-not. I really want to do well, and I just want everything to be over with. I'm tired of school. I made bad decisions, and I think it's time I do what I want. Even if it's only for a month, or even a week, I need to do the things I think are worthy of exploring.

I got home around 5PM and laid on the couch for a bit. My nephew was doing something or other, so I reached to grab him. I must have twisted my body awkwardly, because the next thing I know, my neck feels like it got hit by a hammer. I took some Tylenol and just waited for the effects. Nothing.

At 6PM, I headed over to the main office to get ready for my poker tournament. I had to set everything up since I know what goes where, who gets how many chips, and so on. Wasn't a problem though. 18 people showed up. Eh, it might have been 17. Well, I was at a table with 2nd place from the last tournament, and 2nd and 4th place from the tournament before that one. Some new guy joined our table, and I think he was sandbagging. He needed the rules to be explained to him, and he made comments after each time he won, and it was just annoying. The other guys at my table were all just turning their heads and trying to keep cool. Well, I said out loud, "I guess it's game time." The guy probably had 3000 chips to my 1500. In 2 hands, he was down to 2000, and I was up to 2500. The 3rd hand was just amazing.

I had A-6. On the flop was something like 6-3-6. I raised to 300, he re-raised to 600, and I said, "Well, I'm pushing you all-in then." He called, and he had K-6. A J on the turn, followed by an A on the river gave me the full house and his chips.

At this point, there were only 2 people at my table, so we split to the other tables. I then proceeded to take down 3 guys at the new table, and we formed the final table. Only 5 people made it, and that's usually how it goes. (By whipping these people, I had nearly 15000 chips. For reference, there were 28900 chips in play total.)

In hindsight, this is where I made my most important mistake. I had Q-J. I called to see the flop, which was A-Q-10. The guy next to me bet 1000, I pushed all-in. He called, and he had an A. I needed a Q, K, J, or 9-8 running to win. A face card would have put me in the best position. But his A held up, and I lost plenty. I held my ground until it was just him and me.

Much like last time, we agreed that we just go all-in each time, and whomever won twice in a row would be the winner. He eventually won. No prize for 2nd place though.

Overall, I know I was the best player there. For the first 3 hours, I was unstoppable. I've never had a run like that. But, when it comes down to flipping a coin, I just didn't win. Whatever. Everyone there recognized me when I first walked in, and halfway through, everyone knew I was serious. (In fact, 2 of the guys that went out at my first table stuck around to watch. One of them was patting me on the back and the other was helping me get over a bad hand.)

Am I ready to play for real? I doubt it. There are still things I can learn, and playing with nothing on the line isn't the same. I'm pretty good when I play online, but I'm so much better when I can see my opponent. I really think that if I were to get a sponser, I think I would at least cash out in a major tournament. I don't care if I have to wear some polo with a brand on it. I just want a chance.

I just have to keep getting better. I'm young, and I have potential.

Like I Said...

I don't celebrate birthdays. But I will acknowledge it the day after. (Don't ask me for my reasoning behind "one day later." It just makes me feel right.)

Jae's birthday was yesterday. Well, at least in the central time zone. It's still the 15th on the west coast. But, I live in Austin, so that's what I'm running with. Either way, it's never a bad day to mention how glad I am to have met her.

Almost all of my friends are older than me. I might be 22, but my age does not define me. While other people my age are going to frat parties, drinking for fun, and finding a new relationship every week, I prefer to go to a nice restaurant, learn a new skill, and enjoy being single. All of my experiences with people near my age have been disappointing. With the exceptions of Brandon, C.T., Sam, and a few of my fellow band members, I was completely let down with the immaturity of some people. I am not saying that my group would have fun drinking a bottle of fine wine and playing Trivial Pursuit. Far from it. I know that one of my friends has a fascination with showing his backside to people. But we could have an intelligent conversation without any other outside influences. All of us have ambition to be respectable people in society.

Brandon, C.T., and Sam are all older than me, but not by much. Still, we are far more mature than our ages. Other friends of mine, such as Erik and Pat, are 5 to 9 years older than me. I just prefer to hang out with older people.

Jae isn't old or anything. As far as maturiy goes, she is at the level that I prefer most in a friend. We have shared intelligent conversations, but I didn't feel like I needed to write perfectly. Maybe we don't talk everyday, but the connection is still there. So many similarities, but so far away. You know how some people say they are "on the same wavelength?" That's how I describe it.

A while back, I had a contest to see who knew me the best. Jae won, and I made her a video of "Trippin' On A Hole In A Paper Heart" from Guitar Hero 2. She also gave me the option of doing "No One Knows." So, to complete both of her requests, here is "No One Knows."

Born Around...

As mentioned a dozen times, I don't celebrate birthdays. I've never had a birthday party, and I've never been to a birthday party.

Yesterday was my brother's birthday. He turned 31. I didn't say a word, even though my dad wanted me to call him an 'old man' or something.

Didn't do anything special. We played Guitar Hero 2 and he took lead guitar. I really don't mind playing rhythm or bass. By the which, you can find all of my current videos on Youtube. Some are dedications, and some are just for fun.

Trying To Win

Just going through another weekend.

I played in another poker tournament. 4,000 people, and I sucked pretty bad in the first couple of hands. I went from 3,000 chips to 350 in 10 hands. I assumed that it just wasn't my day, so I went all-in blindly. I lucked out, had A-J, and someone called. I doubled up to around 700. I still figured that this wouldn't be enough for me last long enough, so I went all-in again. This time, I had A-K, and 3 people called. My hand held and I went up to nearly 3,000. That's definitely something to work with, so I played my normal game again.

I made it past the 2nd hour, and I was up to 30,000 chips. At the time, 75,000 was the chip average. I was doing well, but not well enough. I think I went all-in with K-Q. 2 people called, and they had me beat. 1 person had A-K, and another had A-Q. The only way I could win the pot is if I got a straight with A-J-10. Very unlikely.

I finished 79th. That's not terrible. The buy in was 30, and I won 190. Still play money though. I will never gamble with real money online. While poker is a game of cards, chance, and skill, it takes a greater understanding of the game to play in a real setting. I am much better at reading an opponent when I can see their face and their hands. Maybe they have a twitch when they bluff. I can see that if they're sitting right in front of me. If you're playing online, you can't even tell if the punk kid across the ocean is smiling.

Still, after May 19th, I want to go play in a real tournament. Next Tuesday, I have another tournament here at the apartment complex. If I have a strong showing, I'll be determined to find a good location. If I suck, I'll keep practicing and wait for my next opportunity.

Ideally, I want to find a small tournament where 1st prize is a seat at the WSOP Main Event. I'll gladly wear a polo with a company's logo if it means I get a free seat in that tournament.

Very, Very Interesting

Sooooo...

I've been doing some thinking. Hayden Panettiere, the girl from Heroes, has something going on. I know Kevin Pereira (from AOTS) jokes about her being legal soon. I decided to check on 'teh' IMDB to see exactly when. (Here in Texas, 17 is legal, but I'm not like that. 18 is fine.)

The day after I turn 23, she becomes legal. Not a bad deal, even if it is a 5 year difference.

But what started this whole thing is this website I go to. It's What Would Tyler Durden Do? It is absolutely hilarious, and every now and then I get to laugh at Teri Hatcher. I just got home from school, and I did my daily routine. (That consists of MySpace, Facebook, email, WWTDD, Digg, ESPN, and YouTube.) Today, the first picture up there is this:















Back in January, I saw a different picture:




















A famous, blonde, italian girl is awesome. But a famous, blonde, italian girl who loves to lick is as perfect as possible.

Where I'm At...

Just a few things to mention.

For two days, we had highs below 50 degrees. It was the best thing for me. There was some heavy rain on Saturday, but it was just windy and wet on Sunday. We actually had some sleet also. It's days like that which make me wish I lived up north. Every spring, I think about the upcoming summer and how I'm going to try to survive it this time. And each spring, I wish I could just move away.

The way things look, my parents will probably be moving here to Austin within the next few months. They are going to help take care of the grandkids and what-not. After much thinking, I've decided on the following:

I am going to look for a job here in Austin.
After one year, I'm going to re-evaluate my situation.
If I'm not happy, I'm moving. Probably out of state.

On to the next topic.

Brandon just had his birthday nearly 2 weeks ago. There are 2 more birthdays coming up this weekend. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Last year, I talked about how I met Brandon, and some of the crazy things we did. All I did this year was give a shout.

But there's a reason he's #1 on 'teh' MySpace. He's ahead of at least 3 people who have known me since middle school. And it's simple really. If I have a problem, there's usually only one person I can call up and know that everything I say will be kept between us. There are things that Brandon knows but no one in my immediate family knows. I talk to Brandon at least once a week, and he never does anything to piss me off. If I got married tomorrow, he'd be the first person I would ask to be my best man. I know he would do a great job organizing all of the things that go on, and I could trust him with the ring.

And the only way I'm coming out of basketball retirement is if Brandon comes to Austin. I haven't played basketball in nearly a year.

Either way, those are the facts. And speaking of 'teh' MySpace, it's getting very boring. Some people are going to be moving up to top 4. And I'm probably going to change it from Top 12 to Top 8. Honestly, I'm 4 steps away from just shutting it down.

Alright, time for bed.

Good? Bad?

I have to give this week a mixed review.

I got all of my surveys back for my research project. Now I have to go through each and score them, transfer them to a spreadsheet, and get some solid information for the beginning of my paper. It shouldn't be that hard, and I'll probably get started in a little bit. Some of the results are interesting.

I have some metal shelves in my room. I accidentally bumped into them this afternoon. About 2 hours later, I started to feel the bruise. Right now, it's 7 hours later. I cannot believe a bruise could hurt this much. It's right below my right hip, and it's deep. It feels like I got hit by a hammer. I can just slide my hand across the area and tense up. Guess it's time for some ice.

I just took my second operating systems exam. Very frustrating.

But some things this week weren't so bad. I finally got my monthly haircut. At the barber shop, they were watching a DVD of '300.' I didn't ask how, since I pretty much knew the answer. And I'm not saying where, because I don't want any trouble for them. It was awesome though. This is the same barber shop that has Playboy for reading. Real nice place.

I finally found a new group that I'm really interested in. Silversun Pickups. Real good music. I've listened to the entire CD, and everything is 3 stars or higher. Very solid material.

I'm sure there's more. But for right now, I'm just going to put on my headphones and lay around.

Oh, and a quick shout to Brandon. His birthday was last week.

If Only...

If you move to Austin...

...I will show you around town. I know where the perfect views of a sunset are. I know the best places to have a picnic.

...I will invite you over just to hang out. I'll have a nice place with movies, games, music, anything you want.

...I will take you shopping. I'll provide my opinion if you ask for it. And when you're not looking, I'll buy you the outfit you liked the most.

...I will be motivated to be the best person I can possibly be. I will make sure I'm the best example for everyone to follow.

...I will TIVO your favorite shows if you can't watch them, and I will watch them with you.

...I will cook you dinner before every Dallas Mavericks game. If they play in the afternoon, then it will be lunch.

...I will buy two plane tickets and fly us to Dallas for a Cowboys game.

And when you least expect it...

...I will give you a hug that lasts longer than usual.

...I will grab your hand.

...I will buy you tulips. (Your favorite.)

...I will tell you all of my secrets.

...I will sing you songs.

...I will prove myself to you.

But until then, I just have to keep going forward. It's not a certainty, and it might not be likely. But the mere chance of it being real gives me enough reason to have hope. I can be content with hope.

Dreams and Reality

I guess the two were related this time.

Two nights ago, I had a dream about the future. It is kind of sci-fi, but it's not totally unbelievable.

The sky was a transition from orange to purple as the sun went down. It looked like a summer night, but it felt like an autumn evening. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry. I had no idea why.

While the sky seemed very futuristic, the place and time felt like 6 years ago. My mom was driving me to school and we had to stop by a nearby convenience store. I started to look for something to drink, but everything seemed to be $5 more than the usual price. This had me confused for just a little bit, as a small bottle of water now cost around $7. I don't know if I grabbed anything or not, but I remember going back to the car.

I knew we were going to my school, so it weirded me out when we went to where my mom works instead. She said she was doing a short shift, and to just wait. Well, I'm not the type to wait, so I started to walk around outside. That's when everything got really weird.

At one point in the sky, there was a small trace of blue. That blue then spread out into a huge circle that covered half of the sky. I saw a spaceship come through and released a small object. Turns out it was a rocket, and it took out the land to the left and right of me. All that was left was a small island that had the building my mom was in and myself. I looked over the edge and it was at least a 1/2 mile drop down to the ground that was left. Besides the grass on my island, there was nothing but a barren wasteland.

I wasn't scared. I was just angry. And I decided to fight back.

But that's when my alarm went off and everything ended.

As far as reality goes, I just looked at all of the stuff I'm going to need for graduation. I looked at invitations, gowns, and such. I made a quick list of people I would send an invitation to, and that list came out to around 21 people. 13 of those consisted of family.

And still, if it were up to me, I would be at home during my ceremony. I don't want to go, but it's another excuse for the entire family to meet up.

Too Smart For Their Own Good

Harvard club promotes abstinence

Harvard student Rebecca Singh said she was offended by a valentine the group sent to the dormitory mailboxes of all freshmen. It read: "Why wait? Because you're worth it."

"I think they thought that we might not be `ruined' yet," Singh said. "It's a symptom of that culture we have that values a woman on her purity. It's a relic."

So, they should have said, "You couldn't wait, but we still love you." Or, "Sorry you're a whore."

(I'm not saying that women who have premarital sex are whores. I don't find anything wrong with it.)

I love making fun of people who are offended by the smallest things. So you were called a virgin, big deal. Get over it. How do you get the word "ruined" out of their message?

It just shows that Harvard students have their own set of problems. Sure, the university doesn't discourage sex, but it's not making the decision for the students. They may be smart, bright, or whatever, but book-smart people are usually lacking in street-smarts. These kids may have been ridiculed in high school about being geeks who are virgins. Then they get to college, and they want to get past all of that. They throw out their pocket protector and grab a rocket protector. (I know, that was bad.)

The "purity" of a woman may be a relic. Celebrities flash their sexual parts more often today than last year. And I won't expect any woman I date to be a virgin. I don't make assumptions.

But there's something more satisfying about having a virgin say, "I'm yours." It's much better than having a woman who has had dozens of partners say, "Whip it out." It's not about "purity." It's about dedication.

Percentages

This may be a bit nerdy, but whatever...

A few days ago, I was looking at the NBA standings. I found one thing interesting.

The Lakers at 35 - 32 were behind the Nuggets, who were 34 - 31. This gives them a 0.5224 and 0.5230 winning percentage, respectively. So, the Lakers have one more win and one more loss, but were behind the Nuggets.

Then, I looked at the Warriors and the Clippers. At the time, the Warriors were 32 - 36, while the Clippers were at 31 - 35. This gave them a 0.4706 and 0.4697 winning percentage, respectively. The Warriors had one more win and one more loss, and were ahead of the Clippers.

I now understand why the situation changes for each case. In the first case, both teams were above a 0.5000 winning percentage. Therefore, a loss hurts more than the amount of help a win gives. In the second case, both teams were below a 0.5000 winning percentage. In that case, a win helps more than the amount a loss hurts.

Either way, I just want the Clippers to get the 8th seed, and the Nuggets to get the 7th seed. According to my schedule analysis, the Warriors will not make the playoffs. I have yet to check on the Nuggets, but just based on what I've seen, I do expect them to get the 6th seed. That's too bad, because I think the Nuggets would have a better than slim chance of knocking Phoenix out of the playoffs.

Also, I appreciate the assists statistic. I am a guy that likes to pass the ball and see a made shot. However, a 40-point game is better than a 20-point, 10-assist game. Well, only if the person didn't need 40 shots to get 40 points. If it's an efficient 40 points, it's something special.

Waiting For Tomorrow

Something tells me that today isn't going to be my day.

I woke up at 4:38AM this morning. I couldn't fall back asleep, so I tried something new. I forced myself to get up and get ready for school. Took a shower and did all of that stuff, and came back to my room. Surfed around for a bit before I forced myself to lay down again. I got another 40 minutes of sleep. My alarm went off and I did my usual breakfast routine.

Apparently today is National Cut The Grass Day or something. Everywhere outside, grass is getting cut. (For those of you enduring freezing temperatures or close to it, I envy you. Now, I know you're saying, "Oh yea? Let's trade places." To that I say, "Please, let's.")

Tons of people on the bus today. I sat towards the front, and it was uncomfortable. Couldn't listen to my music without freaking out. Terrible bus ride.

We also made it to campus late. Very unfortunate because I needed to stop by the campus store to pick up water and what-not. This puts me 10 minutes behind my usual routine, and if you know me at all, I hate getting out of routine. So as I'm walking to class, in my mind I'm kicking rocks and dropping f-bombs. My fists are clenched and I just want to punch stuff. (Again, all in my mind.)

Out of nowhere, I see this chic. She sees me. And for an instant, I forget about everything. Kind of nice.

But 10 seconds later, I realize that would have been a perfect spot to say "hi." At that point, anything else that would have went wrong wouldn't have been really significant. So hearing something like, "I have a boyfriend" would just be thrown onto the pile and I'd keep walking. So I'm back to punching the air and other violent acts. (All in my head.)

I make it to my class, and I forgot my take-home quiz at, well, guess where. Home! Now I'm in class and just trying to figure out how to get out of this funk.

Oh, the prof just mentioned that we have a test in 9 days. Awesome. Remind me that the exam will be on context-free languages, both regular and irregular.

Keep Goin'

(I did the ol' copy-and-paste from 'teh' MySpace blog. I'll have fresh material sometime around the bend.)

As I've mentioned before, I'm always trying to test my limits. I want to know what I am good at, and what I should leave alone. So, there's nothing like a Texas Hold 'Em Tournament to start with.

I play through PartyPoker.net. No money involved, all fake chips and what-not. When you first register, you start off with $1000 in chips. You get to choose from Texas Hold 'Em, Omaha, 7-card stud, and hi-lo variations of the mentioned games. I hate the hi-lo games. A person with a terrible hand should never win anything. Competition produces two things: winners and losers.

Either way, I registered for a tournament at 6PM my time. Nothing on TV, so I could just waste away on my laptop. 4000 people is the maximum allowed in each tournament, and that's exactly how many showed up.

I always go with the flow. If people are hesitant, I just sit back and relax. I'm not going to sweat over hands with little impact. If I'm at a table with idiots going all-in pre-flop, I just let them fight it out until they're gone. If I know I can take them out, I do it.

An hour went by, and I really couldn't believe how many people went out. I think around 2000 had been knocked out. You don't win anything unless you make 400th or better, so there was still plenty left. I always hovered around the chip average. If I fell behind, I would just bluff hard and they would crumble. Gotta pick your spots carefully. Another hour went by, and I think we were down to 700 people left. 2 hours so far!

I played my game perfectly. People tried to bluff me out, but I would pick up on their tells easy. Maybe they checked after the flop, knowing that they didn't have a hand. I just took their money then. Knocked a few more guys out, and soon I was ranked.

Kept choosing my spots. Kept watching the rankings. Every few seconds, another short stack was being knocked out. I just had to pass the time until there were 30 or so people left.

That happened after the 3rd hour passed. 30 people, 3 tables. I was a bit below the average, but I was far from being the short stack. I watched them drop like flies, and I watched my pile of chips grow. After a 5 minute break, there were 12 people left. Once 10 people had made it, the final table was set up.

I felt content with this. (Before I started, I told peoples that all I wanted for tonight was to get to the final table. True story. I have witnesses.) It took 3-1/2 hours to get to the final table. A few hands went by, and I started to just get tired. I had already planned a trip to Wal-Mart (that was a whole different story that I won't discuss here.) I went all-in with pocket 4's when I probably shouldn't have. Didn't care. We both had 2 pairs, (Q's and 7's came out on the board,) but he had the better kicker, so I was out. Finished in 10th place. The buy-in to the tournament was 520 chips.10th place earned 13000 chips. 10th out of 4000 people. Not bad.

I still want to try this stuff for real. Playing online is fun and easy, but I'll have all of my tools available when I'm playing in the real world. For right now, I just need to focus on graduating, finding my dream job, and saving money for the World Series of Poker. Ideally, I'll get a job where I can set aside enough for the buy-in each year. Or at least enough to get the smaller tournaments under my belt to earn an automatic seat. Something like Harrah's in New Orleans in May. Yea...

Missing People

Sometimes, I miss people. Even if I haven't heard from them in a long, long time.

Anh is great. Don't know if she still reads this. But eh, I'm doing this to make it public.

I can't remember when the last time I talked to her was. (OK, I just did some history searching, and it looks like just a bit over a year.) She commented on this blog a few times, but not for even longer. The last time I had any communication, it was via SMS. One text message long ago.

Of all of the female friends I had in high school, I always felt like I had a different connection with her. Not in a "more than friends" way, but just that certain wavelength, or vibe. The type of connection where you know what the other person is going to say well in advance. You know their style, their type of humor, and what cheers them up. Whenever you hang out, nothing goes wrong. It was just one good time after another.

Whether you've seen my MySpace page, my Facebook profile, or anything at all that I've created, you probably know that my favorite show is Attack of the Show. Monday through Friday, 7PM Eastern, 4PM Pacific. The two hosts are Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn.

Kevin Pereira has some Latin in him, even though it doesn't always look like it. Very quick-witted and dirty-minded. Almost the exact same as me. Olivia Munn is Asian, but was raised in Oklahoma. She is mostly innocent, except for when dirty-talk starts up. Almost exactly like Anh. (Anh wasn't raised in Oklahoma, but Texas is in the south also.)

Either way, here is a clip from Attack of the Show. I've chosen this particular clip because the interaction between Kevin and Olivia is very reminiscent of daily interaction I had with Anh.



One more person that makes me wish I would have stayed in Dallas. There are plenty of reasons, but I'll save those for another day.

Just Saying...

For some reason, I feel compelled to seek forgiveness.

I just went through the phone numbers I have on my cell phone. I treat numbers in a very different manner than most everyone else. If your number is on my phone, it means that if I am able, I will always answer your call. If your number is not in my cell phone, I will never answer your call. Your next best bet is to leave a voicemail that I may listen to in a month, or to send a text message.

I just went through the numbers. I deleted quite a few. All people I have no intention of speaking to again. I know that I will never try to contact those people again.

There were a few names that brought back memories. I must have forgotten those over the past few years. Some were women that I just stopped talking to. And they must have let go as well.

But what is weighing me down right now are just a few words. I feel terrible right now for all the girls that said to me, "I love you" and didn't hear it back. I can only imagine the type of heartbreak that causes. I can only imagine. I've never said "I love you" and didn't hear it back. But that's probably because I say those words sparingly.

As far as I can remember, there was only one time where I initiated the mention of love. It was the ASL sign for love, and it was for a girl I knew long ago. I didn't want to say it because I had never said it before.

Needless to say, it didn't work out. The love might have been mutual, but the timing was terrible. I'm fine with that.

But I want to apologize for all the times I didn't say "I love you" back. I was honest by not saying it, and I know that caused some emotional pain. I want to apologize to all the women that I've detached myself from. I want to apologize for any future calls you make that I don't answer. I have to keep moving forward.

I'm the type of person that disappears for years at a time. You may not hear from me, and you may forget. And if you forget, then it is all lost. It is almost a certainty that we will never cross paths again. I'm sorry that I came into your life only to leave abruptly without saying goodbye.

And I'm sorry if you were attached to me.

Up Late Again

Yeesh...

Legends of the Fall is on TNT right now. That movie is something else. So much misfortune, but so much strength. That's exactly what I'm talking about. I don't like these shows that have trivial problems that emotionally immature characters can't handle. It's about facing your problems and moving ahead.

There are two parts that I find particularly moving.

When Brad Pitt's character (Tristan) comes back from his 2nd vacation, and Anthony Hopkin's character (Colonel Ludlow) comes outside to meet him. The colonel has already had a stroke by this time, and is walking with a limp. He also has the right side of his face paralyzed. Because of the relationship I have with my dad, it just puts that idea of coming home to an old man in my head.

The other is at the end of the movie. When the narrator is talking about Tristan's last battle, they show an older man coming across a grizzly bear. Tristan has a knife, and the bear is huge. Of course the bear wins, but there's something to be said about that way out.

After messing around with 'teh MySpace,' I realized something. It's the new phrase for me. Nothing but the truth.

"Always bored..."

It makes me think that everything I'm doing right now is just to pass time. The real challenge is ahead. And I almost can't wait.

Bunch Of Morons

Fine, I won't use the word 'hate.'

People I have an intense dislike for:

• People who have conversations near doorways, in the middle of a hallway, during class, etc.
• People who always have that look on their face. The look that says, "Duh, what?"
  
• People who loudly tap their foot.
• Guys who say, "I got a girl pregnant" and sound proud.
• Professors who read off of slides. (Just a reminder.)
• Referees that don't let the game get into a flow.
• Pat Riley.
• Guys who stare at other guys.
• People who have their iPods way too loud. If I can hear it, and I'm 10ft away, it's too loud.
• Clowns.
• People who say, "Ahhh" after a drink. Seriously, you were THAT thirsty? And it was THAT refreshing?
• Chics that are constantly on the phone.

I guess that's all I can come up with for now. Just some minor statements...

A second round pick for Anthony Johnson. I really didn't like him, but I don't like that deal. Unless it's just the first step for something better. I keep refreshing, but nothing new yet.

Test in 39 minutes. Another test in 5 hours and 39 minutes. Awesome.

Mavs game at 8:30(?) and I can't wait. Too bad Dwyane Wade had to mess up his weak shoulder. I really wanted this game to be a beatdown with him playing.

Even when I'm done tonight, I'll still have plenty more to do. I get to keep working on a project, and I have 15 articles to read for my research project. Fun weekend ahead.

Many Little Things

One, Ghost Rider absolutely sucks. It's the worst movie I've seen in the past 5 years.

Two, nothing like a good shave to get some looks. From now on, I shave the night before each day I go to campus.

Three, I could look good with longer hair. Maybe no more fades from now on?

Four, I'm really enjoying my new "me" time. I go to the gym and just start working out. I feel a bit healthier, and that may factor into the looks I'm getting. Plus, I get to listen to my music and tune everything else out.

Five, I've never felt so...I don't want to say 'lonely.' When someone feels lonely, there might be some sadness or depression to go with it. I feel content. I know I'm not totally independent. But the only way I can describe it is that I do what I want, and I don't do anything I don't want to. I guess I really feel like an adult finally.

Six, graduation ceremonies should not be at 8AM. Too early.

Seven, there are so many non-issues being discussed, and it really beats me down. No matter what the issue, the solution is simple. Don't try to change me, and I won't try to change you. Religion, sexual orientation, whatever. It doesn't bother me. I'm very open-minded. If we keep everything to ourselves, things can run smoothly.

Eight, I love cold wind. It brings back so many memories, and it makes me feel alive.

Nine, I am very ready to start living. Working, building, investing, all of it. I know I'm going to do something great. I can't wait until I find out what it will be.

Ten, seriously? "Hi" is all it takes? Psh, I can do that.

Idiot

"At the end of the day," Wade said, "you're remembered for what you did at the end. ... I think that's the reason -- Dirk says they gave us the championship last year, but he's the reason they lost the championship, because he wasn't the leader that he's supposed to be in the closing moments. That's because of great defense by us, but also he wasn't assertive enough as a leader's supposed to be." - Miami Herald

This aboslutely pisses me off.

Dwyane Wade gets more phantom calls than anyone in the league. And sure, he drives to the basket plenty, which earns free throws. But he gets calls on jumpshots. He gets touch calls. He needs to know that without the refs in his pocket, he's just another shooting guard in the league.

Michael Jordan hit game winning shots. Dwyane Wade makes game winnnig free throws. There's a big difference. The league talks about letting players determine the outcome of the game. But there is not another player in the league that has an exception to this rule. You can't have it both ways. I've seen people get hit in the head on a last second shot without a foul being called. New Jersey complained about it loudly earlier this season. The refs need to ignore the score, and they need to ignore the time.

Miami didn't win that championship. Dallas gave it away. And it makes more sense that they were up 2 - 0. That's the only way you can give it away. You have to have 'it.'

Some ESPN analysts are finally acknowledging the benefit that Dwyane Wade gets. They concede the fact that he does go to the rim, and he should get free throws. But each game he gets between 1 and 3 phantom calls. That means 2 to 6 free throws.

In Game 6, Wade took 21 free throws. The refs were Dan Crawford, Steve Javie, and Eddie Rush. The first two are well known for being partial to one team.

In Game 5, Wade set the Finals record with 25 free throws. Those refs were Joe Crawford, Joe DeRosa, and Bennett Salvatore. Two of those refs are known for screwing the game over.

I'm not ok with Game 3 either. 18 free throws for Wade, fine. But what kills me is that he should have fouled out of that game. He tripped Devin Harris, and there wasn't a foul. It would have been his 6th, and the comeback never would have happened. Refs: Dan Crawford, Ken Mauer, and Jack Nies.

There was nothing controversial about Games 1 and 2. Game 3 sucked. I'll accept Game 4. Miami beat us, and it was clear. But Games 5 and 6 were skewed in Miami's favor.

Wade needs to shut his mouth and play basketball. Don't claim any type of greatness, because it's all on free throws. You'll probably never win another championship. Wait, there is no 'probably.' I am saying it right now.

Wade will never win another championship.

Feb. 22nd. That's when the Mavs play the Heat again. I'm expecting a beat down of epic proportions.

Now, on to ESPN. I'm tired of ESPN. Most every employee has some bias towards the East Coast. You get homers like Wilbon on PTI. Sportscenter carries non-stories. And they pick crap basketball games to air on Wednesday and Friday. Seriously, Cavs and Heat? #5 vs #8?

One game that isn't being aired is Dallas and Houston. #1 vs #5. I think that's a much bigger game, considering you're going to get quality basketball. Not this half-court, slower than molasses East Coast basketball.