Moron Dog

Woo. Almost better.

Whenever I'm bored, I search for new music. I check top 20 lists and such. I also check out my favorite blogs and see if there's anything there for me to research. Since I see "Belle and Sebastian" everywhere I go, I figure that I would check it out.

It makes sense. I understand why people are jumping on that bandwagon.

There are 3 different types of fans. There are fans who buy every album, every poster, and believe that their favorite group can do no wrong. Then there are fans that buy most of the CDs, understand most of the songs, and ignore the 1 or 2 songs they do not like. Then there are the idiot fans. These idiot fans tell you they like a group because that's the cool thing to do. They do not understand the music, but that doesn't matter.

I'll point the finger at myself before I point at anyone else. Yes, I like Radiohead. However, I can name a handful of songs I don't like. I don't own all of the CDs. But I can tell you what I do like about each song. And I can tell you the lyrics as I listen to it. I am looking forward to their next release, but I'm not on pins and needles.

I chose Radiohead because their fans get criticized the most. Some of them deserve it, but not all.

Pick out any song. I can tell you what I like and what I don't like. And I won't use musical terms since not everyone has studied music. I'll just say, "This part."

I've never liked a band because someone else did. Or because a majority of the population does.

Either way, let me present something from iTunes and their top 10 downloaded songs.

#1 Fergie - London Bridge
Seriously? It gives me a headache. It's "Hollaback Girl" part two. But Gwen Stefani has a better speaking voice. We all know Fergie isn't singing. You know, just put a 'dope beat' in any song and it will top the charts, even if there's no creativity or originality.

#2 Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
I do like this song. A hip-hop beat mixed with old Motown-style singing. New with old. Fits so many different moods.

#3 Beyonce - Deja Vu
The beat overpowers her voice. This song is made for clubs. I'd much rather hear her sing with less going on in the background. I do like Jay-Z though.

#4 Nelly Furtado - Promiscuous
Another example of putting a 'dope beat' behind a song to enhance the chart rankings. This is the same girl who sang about being like a bird. C'mon. It's not a bad song, but it's not original. And what's up with the rapping?

#5 The Pussycat Dolls - Buttons
Snoop, why? Do I really need another example about beats? If you need a #1 hit, just make a dance song. It's easy. By the way, only one of them actually sings in this song. The others are just eye candy. I like the red-head...

#6 Jessica Simpson - A Public Affair
Oh...my...gosh. She totally ripped off some J-Pop artist. And she doesn't sing very well. Put some effort into it.

#7 Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man
This is tough. It's clearly a dance song. A minus. But she can sing. She can really sing. And she doesn't let the background overpower her. If you needed someone to sing the national anthem without any background, would you choose Jessica Simpson, Brittany Spears, Ashlee Simpson, Nelly Furtado, or Aguilera? Of course Aguilera!

#8 Cassie - Me & U
Sorry, but it's 'You,' not 'U.' And are you using a pitch correction machine? I think you are. Who are you?

#9 Panic! At The Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies
His voice sucks. It's a cross between talking and singing. That's never good. Choose one.

#10 The Fray - Over My Head (Cable Car)
Where have I heard this before? The background works so well, but his voice needs some tonal change. I can see why people like this song.

Just to pick on a few other songs. "Snap Yo Fingers," but he says it like 'fAn-gahz.' What's that? People like it because Lil Jon is funny sounding. Paris Hilton? It's weird seeing her without a green tint. Oh, she can't sing, and she ripped the background from a Blondie song. Nickelback sounds the same on every song. John Mayer sucks so much. He spawned James Blunt and Daniel Powter.

I'm the inspiration behind Powter's song "Bad Day." And I'll give him another when I see him. Man that song is beat down.

I swear. Hey, all you music bands out there! If you want to be at the top of every chart and sign lucrative contracts, sing about an ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend or love in general, how you hate work, how no one understand you, hooking up with that special someone, or high school drama. Then put a 'dope beat' behind it, or yell the song for the emo crowd, or be physically attractive.

Remember Papa Roach? They did that song about suicidal thoughts called "Last Resort." Their latest single is called "...To Be Loved." I think that's hilarious.